[narrating] Alright, people, let’s do this one last time. My name is Peter B. Parker. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And for the last 22 years– I thought I was the one and only Spider-Man. What a day. [narrating] I'm pretty sure you know the rest. You see, I saved the city, fell in love, I got married– saved the city some more, maybe too much. My marriage got testy, made some dicey money choices. Don’t invest in a spider-themed restaurant. Then like 15 years passed. Blah, blah, blah. Super boring. I broke my back, a drone flew into my face, I buried Aunt May. My wife and I– split up. But I handled it like a champion. [crying in the shower] 'Cause, you know what, no matter how many times I get hit, I always get back up. And I got a lot of time to reflect and work on myself. Did you know that seahorses, that they mate for life? Could you imagine? A seahorse seeing another seahorse– and then making it work? [line ringing as he trys to call MJ] She wanted kids and– And it scared me. [Hangs up] I'm pretty sure I broke her heart. Flash-forward: I'm in my apartment doing push-ups– doing ab crunches, getting strong– when this weird thing happened. And I gotta say, weird things happen to me a lot. But this was real weird. [Yells as he getting sucked into the wormhole] [screaming as he's heralding downtown] [Grunting as he hits everything] Ow! [narrating] You see, I was in New York, but the things were different. Also, I was dead. And blonde. I was kind of perfect. It was like looking in a mirror. (Well, in a– different way.) I have a feeling that the thing that brought me here was the thing that got him killed. You wanna know what happened next? Me too.
[narrating] Alright, people, let’s do this one last time. My name is Peter B. Parker. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And for the last 22 years– I thought I was the one and only Spider-Man. What a day. [narrating] I'm pretty sure you know the rest. You see, I saved the city, fell in love, I got married– saved the city some more, maybe too much. My marriage got testy, made some dicey money choices. Don’t invest in a spider-themed restaurant. Then like 15 years passed. Blah, blah, blah. Super boring. I broke my back, a drone flew into my face, I buried Aunt May. My wife and I– split up. But I handled it like a champion. [crying in the shower] 'Cause, you know what, no matter how many times I get hit, I always get back up. And I got a lot of time to reflect and work on myself. Did you know that seahorses, that they mate for life? Could you imagine? A seahorse seeing another seahorse– and then making it work? [line ringing as he trys to call MJ] She wanted kids and– And it scared me. [Hangs up] I'm pretty sure I broke her heart. Flash-forward: I'm in my apartment doing push-ups– doing ab crunches, getting strong– when this weird thing happened. And I gotta say, weird things happen to me a lot. But this was real weird. [Yells as he getting sucked into the wormhole] [screaming as he's heralding downtown] [Grunting as he hits everything] Ow! [narrating] You see, I was in New York, but the things were different. Also, I was dead. And blonde. I was kind of perfect. It was like looking in a mirror. (Well, in a– different way.) I have a feeling that the thing that brought me here was the thing that got him killed. You wanna know what happened next? Me too.
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