Ricky Bobby quotes

View Quote [running around on the track in his underwear] Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!

View Quote Help me, Oprah Winfrey!

View Quote I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then **** you.

View Quote Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is just around the corner, and what better gift to give a loved one [pulls out knife] than the Jack Hawk 9000? Available at Wal-Mart!

View Quote I sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I'm also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not, like, a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly, like, "Hey, what's up guys? You want some crack?". I'm just waiting on those two things to just kinda flesh themselves out.

View Quote [talking to Reese Bobby] Hello Professor Dickweed.

View Quote Dear 8 pound 6 ounce Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you J?sus...we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino's, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family, My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or T.R., as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife, Carley, who is a stone cold fox (Cal: MMMMM!), who if you would rate her ass on 100 it would easily be a 94. I also want to thank you for my best friend and teammate, Cal Naughton Jr, Who's got my back no matter what (Cal: Shake and Bake)

View Quote Dear Lord Baby Jesus, we also like to thank you for my wife's father Chip, we hope that you can use your baby Jesus powers to heal him and his horrible leg. It smells terrible and the dogs are always bothering with it.

View Quote Dear Tiny, Infant, Jesus...

View Quote Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I'm sayin' grace. When you say grace, you can say it to Grownup Jesus or Teenage Jesus or Bearded Jesus or whoever you want.

View Quote Dear Tiny Jesus, in your golden fleece diapers with your tiny, little fat balled up fists

View Quote Look, I like the baby version the best, you hear me? I win the races and I get the money

View Quote Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, don't even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly, but still omnipotent. We'd just like to thank you for all the races 've won and the $21.2 million, LOVE THAT MONEY! That I have accrued over this past season. Also due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates I mention PowerAde at each grace, I just wanna say that PowerAde is delicious and it cools you off on a hot summer day and we look forward to PowerAde's release of mystic mountain blueberry. Thank you, for all your power and your grace, Dear Baby God, Amen

View Quote Dear Lord Baby Jesus, lying there in your...your little ghost manger, lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental...videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors...

View Quote Hang on, Baby Jesus, this is gon' get bumpy!

View Quote Hey losing is never fun but here's a little something to keep your spirits up.... (flips bird) its real nice... got it at Target.... It's on sale.

View Quote [driving his first race] Hey, Lucius, I just wanted to share a piece of personal information with you. I've got a...a chubby right now because THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST AWESOME EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE!! I'M GETTIN' TO DRIVE A RACECAR I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD!!!

View Quote The room is startin' to spin real fast...cause of...cause of gayness.

View Quote Mr. Dennit, with all due respect... I had no idea that you had an experimental surgery to have your balls removed.

View Quote [Looking under the hood of his race car] Hot dog! I mean, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!

View Quote Yep, I'm flyin' through the air, this is not good.

View Quote [to his father-in-law] The only thing you ever did with your life is make a hot daughter! That's it!

View Quote [to Girard] I've got you, Pepe Le Bitch!

View Quote [getting ready to bump Girard in a race] Hey, it's me, America!

View Quote Slingshot: engage.

View Quote I'm not sure what to do with my hands.

View Quote You gotta win to get love. I mean, that's just life. Look at...look at Don Shula. Legendary coach. Look at that Asian guy who holds the world record for eatin' all those hot dogs in a row. Look at Rue McClanahan. From The Golden Girls. Three people, all great champions, all loved.

View Quote Mr. Dennit, with all due respect, and remember I'm sayin' it with all due respect, that idea ain't worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin gettin' it on.

View Quote There's a god damn cougar in the car!

View Quote In the words of the late great Colonel Sanders: I'm too drunk to taste this chicken