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James Franco: Who did this? Who did this?!
Seth Rogen: Did what, what are you talking about?
James Franco: [holds up his jizzed porn magazine] Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?
Seth Rogen: No.
James Franco: No?
Danny McBride: [raises his hand] It was me, Franco. I ****in' made jizz in your magazine.
James Franco: Why?!
Danny McBride: When I ****in' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?
James Franco: Real ****ing smart answer, why don't you ****ing aim, huh?!
Danny McBride: I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere! It's like a ****in' wild fireman's hose, she's gonna grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth!
James Franco: The **** kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers, you never learned to jizz in a ****ing sock or on a ****in' tissue?!
Danny McBride: No, I don't have any brothers, I was raised in a house of women!
James Franco: I highly doubt they ****in' taught you to ****in' close your eyes and ****in' **** wherever you want!
Danny McBride: I mean, you're getting all worked up over a ****in' porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?! Welcome to the 21st century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with ****ing iPads in the walls, yet you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!
James Franco: That's right, man. I like to ****in' read!
Danny McBride: You think that's the only thing I jerk off in here? I've been dropping loads around this ****in' house like a goddamn dump truck.
James Franco: YOU DON'T **** ON MY STUFF!
Danny McBride: I'll **** wherever the **** I want, James. I'll ****in' **** in your kitchen, I'll **** on your ****in' art, I'LL **** ANYWHERE I WANT!
James Franco: I will ****in' **** right on you! I will **** like a ****in' madman all over you, McBride!
Danny McBride: Ooh! I ****in' wish you'd **** on me right now, I ****in' DARE YOU TO **** ON ME!
[Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other]
Danny McBride: [Grabbing a baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so ****in' hard in here!
James Franco: This, no more, man, all over your ****in' face!
Danny McBride: All over the ****in' floor, all over the ****in' place, I'll ****in' **** anywhere I want, I'll ****in' **** on these walls, I'll **** on the ****in' cabinets, on the ****in' furniture, I'LL **** EVERYWHERE!
James Franco: [points his revolver] If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna ****ing shoot it off!
Danny McBride: You don't have enough bullets, bitch!
James Franco: [waving his revolver] No ****in' jerking off in my house, McBride!
[Danny throws the baseball bat to the ground]
Seth Rogen: Come on, man.
Danny McBride: **** this. It's just I'm too thirsty to do this, and the ****in' bitter irony is I'm not gonna have my thirst quenched until I finish this. I give up.
[walks out of the living room and leaves Seth behind]
Seth Rogen: Danny, no. Don't walk away. Danny, don't walk away from me!
Danny McBride: It's too late, Seth. I've already walked away too much.
Seth Rogen: No, you haven't. You could still come back and just ****in' turn around and come back and help me. Danny? Daniel?
[Danny is nowhere to be seen]

James Franco : Who did this? Who did this?! Seth Rogen : Did what, what are you talking about? James Franco : [holds up his jizzed porn magazine] Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth? Seth Rogen : No. James Franco : No? Danny McBride : [raises his hand] It was me, Franco. I ****in' made jizz in your magazine. James Franco : Why?! Danny McBride : When I ****in' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you? James Franco : Real ****ing smart answer, why don't you ****ing aim, huh?! Danny McBride : I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere! It's like a ****in' wild fireman's hose, she's gonna grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth! James Franco : The **** kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers, you never learned to jizz in a ****ing sock or on a ****in' tissue?! Danny McBride : No, I don't have any brothers, I was raised in a house of women! James Franco : I highly doubt they ****in' taught you to ****in' close your eyes and ****in' **** wherever you want! Danny McBride : I mean, you're getting all worked up over a ****in' porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?! Welcome to the 21st century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with ****ing iPads in the walls, yet you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim! James Franco : That's right, man. I like to ****in' read! Danny McBride : You think that's the only thing I jerk off in here? I've been dropping loads around this ****in' house like a goddamn dump truck. James Franco : YOU DON'T **** ON MY STUFF! Danny McBride : I'll **** wherever the **** I want, James. I'll ****in' **** in your kitchen, I'll **** on your ****in' art, I'LL **** ANYWHERE I WANT! James Franco : I will ****in' **** right on you! I will **** like a ****in' madman all over you, McBride! Danny McBride : Ooh! I ****in' wish you'd **** on me right now, I ****in' DARE YOU TO **** ON ME! [Both men exchange masturbation gestures at each other] Danny McBride : [Grabbing a baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so ****in' hard in here! James Franco : This, no more, man, all over your ****in' face! Danny McBride : All over the ****in' floor, all over the ****in' place, I'll ****in' **** anywhere I want, I'll ****in' **** on these walls, I'll **** on the ****in' cabinets, on the ****in' furniture, I'LL **** EVERYWHERE! James Franco : [points his revolver] If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna ****ing shoot it off! Danny McBride : You don't have enough bullets, bitch! James Franco : [waving his revolver] No ****in' jerking off in my house, McBride! [Danny throws the baseball bat to the ground] Seth Rogen : Come on, man. Danny McBride : **** this. It's just I'm too thirsty to do this, and the ****in' bitter irony is I'm not gonna have my thirst quenched until I finish this. I give up. [walks out of the living room and leaves Seth behind] Seth Rogen : Danny, no. Don't walk away. Danny, don't walk away from me! Danny McBride : It's too late, Seth. I've already walked away too much. Seth Rogen : No, you haven't. You could still come back and just ****in' turn around and come back and help me. Danny? Daniel? [Danny is nowhere to be seen]