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Brenda: Payback's a bitch! Isn't it Natalie?
Natalie: Brenda, please, you need to get help.
Brenda: I have already tried therapy! Obviously it did me no good, Natalie. And I must say, I am kind of enjoying all this, playing with your pretty little head. You used an urban legend to kill my boyfriend, Natalie, and now...
Natalie: What are you gonna do?
Brenda: Oh, just my favorite U.L., the kidney heist. You do know this one, don't ya, Natalie? Guy gets picked up by a woman at a bar, she takes him back to her hotel room, she fixes him a drink, boom! He's knocked out, and when he wakes up he's in a bathtub full of ice and he realizes that one of his kidneys has been removed! [laughs] Supposedly they sell them on the black market, I don't think it's ever actually happened though. Till tonight.
Natalie: Brenda, please, you need to get help.
Brenda: I have already tried therapy! Obviously it did me no good, Natalie. And I must say, I am kind of enjoying all this, playing with your pretty little head. You used an urban legend to kill my boyfriend, Natalie, and now...
Natalie: What are you gonna do?
Brenda: Oh, just my favorite U.L., the kidney heist. You do know this one, don't ya, Natalie? Guy gets picked up by a woman at a bar, she takes him back to her hotel room, she fixes him a drink, boom! He's knocked out, and when he wakes up he's in a bathtub full of ice and he realizes that one of his kidneys has been removed! [laughs] Supposedly they sell them on the black market, I don't think it's ever actually happened though. Till tonight.
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Brenda: So, Parker, finish the story about Stanley Hall.
Parker: Right. So, uh, this guy, he was a professor on campus, maybe 25 years ago.
Brenda: What did he teach?
Parker: I don't know, physics or some shit.
Paul: Abnormal psychology. You know, if you want to, uh, tell the story right.
Parker: Not the point of the story, paper boy. But, fine, Abnormal psych it is. Anywho, this guy, he just flips out, you know, goes completely berserk! He grabs a hunting knife and he strolls into Stanley Hall, bangs on every door, and every student that answers their door, he takes that little knife and he cuts their throat, ear to ear. Yeah, does away with an entire floor before, finally, stabbing himself straight through the heart. And thus, the annual Mega Sigma Phi bash.
Brenda: So you have a frat party to commemorate a massacre?
Parker: You betcha.
Parker: Right. So, uh, this guy, he was a professor on campus, maybe 25 years ago.
Brenda: What did he teach?
Parker: I don't know, physics or some shit.
Paul: Abnormal psychology. You know, if you want to, uh, tell the story right.
Parker: Not the point of the story, paper boy. But, fine, Abnormal psych it is. Anywho, this guy, he just flips out, you know, goes completely berserk! He grabs a hunting knife and he strolls into Stanley Hall, bangs on every door, and every student that answers their door, he takes that little knife and he cuts their throat, ear to ear. Yeah, does away with an entire floor before, finally, stabbing himself straight through the heart. And thus, the annual Mega Sigma Phi bash.
Brenda: So you have a frat party to commemorate a massacre?
Parker: You betcha.
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Brenda: What exactly happens when I say Bloody Mary five times?
Natalie: The person standing next to you wonders how you got into college in the first place.
Natalie: The person standing next to you wonders how you got into college in the first place.
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Brenda: What, are you gonna shoot me, Natalie?! Huh?! What kind of friend are you?!
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Killer: You're gonna die tonight.
Parker: Oh, really? [looks at the caller I.D., which says Damon Brooks] Let's see, the call's coming from inside the house. Could it be, an urban legend? Am I right? Hello? Hey, don't get shy on me all of a sudden, ****face. This is the one about the babysitter, right? She's getting those scary harassing phone calls and when she traces 'em back they're coming from inside the house, right? But, asswipe, aren't you forgetting something? I'm not babysitting any kids!
Killer: Wrong, this is the one about the old lady who dries her dog in the microwave.
Parker: Oh, really? [looks at the caller I.D., which says Damon Brooks] Let's see, the call's coming from inside the house. Could it be, an urban legend? Am I right? Hello? Hey, don't get shy on me all of a sudden, ****face. This is the one about the babysitter, right? She's getting those scary harassing phone calls and when she traces 'em back they're coming from inside the house, right? But, asswipe, aren't you forgetting something? I'm not babysitting any kids!
Killer: Wrong, this is the one about the old lady who dries her dog in the microwave.
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Mr Wexler: Last week we discussed folklore as a gauge for the values of the society that created them. Today-- Today, we get more specific... A babysitter receives menacing phone calls, and, upon investigating them, she realizes that they are originating from an upstairs bedroom, the very room where she's left the children under her care to sleep. Now, who's heard this before? Hmm? [everyone raises their hand]
Brenda: Well, that really happened to a girl in my home town.
Mr Wexler: Oh, yes, I'm sure it did. I'm--I'm sure most of you grew up thinking that this happened to girls in--in all your home towns, but it didn't. You see, the babysitter and the man upstairs is what we call an urban legend. Contemporary folklore passed on as a true story. Now there are variations of this one going back to the 1960's, all of them contain the same cultural admonition: Young women, mind your children or harm will come your way.
Brenda: Well, that really happened to a girl in my home town.
Mr Wexler: Oh, yes, I'm sure it did. I'm--I'm sure most of you grew up thinking that this happened to girls in--in all your home towns, but it didn't. You see, the babysitter and the man upstairs is what we call an urban legend. Contemporary folklore passed on as a true story. Now there are variations of this one going back to the 1960's, all of them contain the same cultural admonition: Young women, mind your children or harm will come your way.
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Natalie: This will become a legend too, you know. It'll change a little from person to person, of course. Brenda'll become a guy, you'll become a cop, and I'll end up in some insane asylum.
Paul: So, if this is an urban legend, at what point do we get to the twist?
Paul: So, if this is an urban legend, at what point do we get to the twist?
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Natalie: You're ****ing crazy!
Brenda: I prefer the term eccentric... but, yeah, I guess you could say I'm a little nutty.
Natalie: Why?
Brenda: Why? Why? Why?! You still haven't figured it out, have you? Well, lucky for you, Miss Thang, I got a visual aid. There I am, Natalie, with my boyfriend, the love of my life. Have you found the love of your life yet, Natalie? Of course not, you're too self-involved to bother. Pic ring any bells, Nat?
Natalie: Oh, my God.
Brenda: DING! DING! DING! DING! DING! His name was David Evans, the one you and your friend decided to have a little fun with.
Brenda: I prefer the term eccentric... but, yeah, I guess you could say I'm a little nutty.
Natalie: Why?
Brenda: Why? Why? Why?! You still haven't figured it out, have you? Well, lucky for you, Miss Thang, I got a visual aid. There I am, Natalie, with my boyfriend, the love of my life. Have you found the love of your life yet, Natalie? Of course not, you're too self-involved to bother. Pic ring any bells, Nat?
Natalie: Oh, my God.
Brenda: DING! DING! DING! DING! DING! His name was David Evans, the one you and your friend decided to have a little fun with.
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Parker: Wait, wait, wait... scratching on the roof of the car, don't you guys get it? Come on, it's just like that urban legend.
Natalie: What are you talking about?
Parker: Come on, Natalie, Wexler talks about it every semester in class. You know, guy and a girl parked out in the woods, making out-
Brenda: You made out with him?
Parker: Guy steps out of the car and the girl starts to hear these scratching noises on the roof, it's her dead boyfriend, hung from a tree. Damon's in the class, he knew the myth, all right, he must have just planned the whole thing out.
...
Natalie: It's like someone out there is taking all these stories and making them reality.
Natalie: What are you talking about?
Parker: Come on, Natalie, Wexler talks about it every semester in class. You know, guy and a girl parked out in the woods, making out-
Brenda: You made out with him?
Parker: Guy steps out of the car and the girl starts to hear these scratching noises on the roof, it's her dead boyfriend, hung from a tree. Damon's in the class, he knew the myth, all right, he must have just planned the whole thing out.
...
Natalie: It's like someone out there is taking all these stories and making them reality.
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Sasha: What the hell is her problem?
Serina: Her roommate died, what do you expect? Pudding?
Sasha: Tosh was her roommate. She deserved to die.
Parker: God, what did you have for breakfast this morning? Carnation-instint Bitch?
Serina: Her roommate died, what do you expect? Pudding?
Sasha: Tosh was her roommate. She deserved to die.
Parker: God, what did you have for breakfast this morning? Carnation-instint Bitch?
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[last words] What, are you gonna shoot me, Natalie?! Huh? What kind of friend are you?
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Like I said, he's all yours.