Varsity Blues quotes

29 total quotes

Billy Bob
Charlie Tweeder
Coach Bud Kilmer
Jonathon "Mox' Moxon
Multiple Characters

View Quote Miss Davis: Now I want y'all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina!

View Quote Sam Moxon: I raised you to be a winner, so dammit boy, win!

View Quote Sam Moxon: I'm really proud about Brown son, but I need to talk to you about Gilroy.

View Quote Billy Bob: I sure do love that dog.
Mox: I think it's a pig.
Billy Bob: Yeah.

View Quote Charlie: Hey you wanna see the new Tweeder end zone dance?
[Tweeder dances]
Charlie: You know what it's called?
Mox: What?
Charlie: The new Tweeder end zone dance.

View Quote Charlie: Say I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts.
Billy Bob: That's funny.
Charlie: Ain't it funny? That's what I mean. See they need to change the name of the show to America's funniest shots in the nuts.

View Quote Charlie: Will you listen to me? Bitches are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it.
Mox: What?
Charlie: Listen. You give 'em Percocet, two Vicoden and a couple of beers, and the panties drop. It's very nice.
Mox: [laughing] It's nice?
Charlie: It's nice.
Mox: Tweeder, you think you'll enjoy prison?
Charlie: [not paying attention] I don't know...What?

View Quote Darcy: Baby I got so excited thinking about next year and Florida state and the future, I think I need to be your wide receiver.
Lance: Here baby.
Darcy: Well not "here" here, but somewhere here.

View Quote Miss Davis: Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?
Student: Boner? Is boner one?
Miss Davis: Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!

View Quote Mo Moxon: Kyle, did you start a cult?
Kyle: Yup.
Mo Moxon: That is so sweet!

View Quote Mox: I'm a good boy. I've always been good. What's my upside to being good? [looks at a box of condoms] I'm 18 years old. It's not like I'm married to her. She invited me over. I'm just being polite, right Kyle? Kyle?
Kyle: I only answer to one name. Ali-Actabaor-Shabaz-Da.
Mox: That's a bunch of names.
Kyle: There is only one God. All praise and honor be to Allah.
Mox: Yeah. Well, would Allah nail Darcy if he had the chance? I think so.

View Quote Mox: The male erection? Uh, pitchin' a tent, sportin' wood, icicle has formed, the march is on; stiff, stiffie, Mr. Mortis, Rigger Mortis has set in; uh, flesh rocket, Jack's magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick, Mr. Mushroom Head, purple-headed yogurt-slinger...and, uh, Pedro.
Miss Davis: Pedro?
Mox: Mmhmm.

View Quote Police Officer: These kids, they're just running around wild these days. Them kids last night, they stole a cop car.
Bar Man: No.
Police Officer: Yes! Them boys been exposing themselves.
Bar Man: Exposing themselves?
Police Officer: Yes. They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club, while the ladies were rehearsing the Christmas pageant.
Bar Man: They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club?

View Quote [after stealing a cop car] I'm gonna go to jail!

View Quote [Mooning Mox and Billy Bob through the truck window] Good moonin, Boys! Good moonin! I have been up since the crack of dawn and I had to ass you a question.