Monty quotes
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven’t I been inside you?
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Come on, Mom. Of course I'm being safe. I pull out.
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You think I want to have kids? Absolutely not. That's why I stick to anal sex.
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Dean, doesn't my mom look old? I mean, much older than she rightfully should?
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Nothing worse than going to the back room for some condiments and ending up staring at a huge, steamy pile of ****. [Shudders]
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Mitch, you picked a ****ed-up night to start working here.
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I'd do her (Amy). Hell I'd probably even pay. [chuckles] ...I would.
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It's okay, I understand how it works. Birds of a feather flock to vagina.
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That's Naomi, and she's been working here WAY too long. But, she's actually a pretty sweet girl...when she's drunk.
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[Regarding Nick and T-Dog] Those guys should be sterilized, and I'm not kidding at all.
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I guess we should feel some sort of guilt, but she broke the cardinal rule: Don't **** with people who handle your food.
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OH, WHAT-THE-****-EVER!
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Everyone knows that I'm orally fixated, and you can't deny that I played your vagina like a violin.
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With women, it's always one of two things. Either they won't sleep with you, and then there's really no need to ever call them again. Or they DO sleep with you... and then there's really no need to ever call them again.
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Women. They're so ****ing wiley.
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It's like a horrible time paradox, where neither our wisdom, nor your virginity ever escape.
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[In the bathroom with Mitch, his shirt off] I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having mother****ers, am I right? Well, listen. You can put that ****y baby to bed right now. None of the guys that work here are gay. [Puts his shirt back on] I mean, I'll stick my finger up my ass every now and then when I'm feeling a little squirelly, but that's about the extent of it.
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And as if some kind of slut magic, POOF, you appear at my door
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All right everybody, listen up, from here on out, Mitch is a made man. Anyone who has anything different to say, Nick and T-Dog will ****in' cut you!
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Did you see the tits at table 12?