The World According to Garp quotes

View Quote Jenny Fields: [noticing scantily clad prostitutes] Is that the latest fashion?
T. S. Garp: No, Mom, that's the oldest profession.

View Quote Jenny Fields: [while telling Dean Bodger and her son about his father, who was a brain damaged WW2 veteran with spontaneous erections she was the nurse of] Where was I?
T. S. Garp: He kept having erections.
Jenny Fields: Thank you. He was dying. I wanted a child. It was a good way to have one without the bother of a husband around... who had legal rights to my body. So, one night at work... when the wounded and maimed were all asleep, I went to him. He was asleep. But his erection was there, as always. I removed my undergarments and climbed on top of him. He woke up then. He said the only word other than his name that I ever heard him utter. He said, "good." It didn't take very long, and that once was all that was needed.
Dean Bodger: You raped him! You raped a dying man!

View Quote Jenny Fields: Are you gonna go to sleep or you gonna stay up and think your weird thoughts?
Young Garp: I'll stay up and think weird thoughts for a while.

View Quote Randy: Hey you! Dildo. Is this the nut house where you're keeping my Laurel?
Roberta: Laurel's here but we're not exactly keeping her.
Randy: Bullshit, ya big ****.
Roberta: I'm not a ****. Is Laurel expecting you?
Randy: I'll kill you douchebag.
Roberta: That's all you men understand is violence.
Randy: Now look. I know what sort of freaks hang around here. It's a big lesbian scene.
[Garp walks onto the porch]
Randy: Ooooh, oooh, what are you the man of the house or the court eunuch. Laurel, you in there you bitch?!
Jenny Fields: Hello.
Randy: Oh, I know who you are. My Laurel's not your type sweetie.
Jenny Fields: Perhaps she's not your type either.
Randy: Listen, goddammit. If you don't get Laurel's ass out here I'm gonna...
[Randy is knocked down by Roberta]
Laurel: Randy!
Jenny Fields: Are you alright?
Laurel: Baby, you found me.
Randy: Oh, I don't think I can drive the ****in' car.
Laurel: That's alright. I can drive you just never let me. [to Jenny] I guess Randy needs me.
Randy: Easy!
[In pain as Laurel helps him to the car]
Laurel: Sorry baby, I'm sorry.
Randy: Crazy **** blind-sided me.

View Quote Roberta: I mean, I had mine removed surgically under general anesthesia. But to have it bitten off in a Buick...
Jenny Fields: It's lust!

View Quote T. S. Garp: Remember, Helen.
Helen Holm: What, my love?
T. S. Garp: Everything.
Helen Holm: Yes, my love.

View Quote Walt: Daddy what's gradual school?
T. S. Garp: What?
Walt: Gradual school. Mommy say's she teaches at gradual school.
T. S. Garp: Oh Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don't want to go to school anymore.

View Quote [after being told he shouldn't go to his Mom's feminist memorial] I will grieve alone for the rest of my life, but right now I want to be around people who loved her.

View Quote [telling Garp he cannot go to his mother's feminist memorial] They're not going to allow any men. A man killed her! They're very upset!

View Quote [to his infant son in baby carriage] Don't be a baby, Duncan! Say da-da! [Duncan blows raspberry at Garp]

View Quote Men die young in my family, Helen!

View Quote We'll take the house. Honey, the chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. It's been pre-disastered. We're going to be safe here.

View Quote You know, everybody dies. My parents died. Your father died. Everybody dies. I'm going to die too. So will you. The thing is, to have a life before we die. It can be a real adventure having a life.