[first line] My name's Ralph, and I'm a bad guy. Uh, let's see…I'm 9 feet tall, I weigh 643 pounds, got a bit of a temper on me. My passion levels very near the surface, I guess—not gonna lie. Anywho, what else, uh…I'm a wrecker. I wreck things, professionally. I mean, I'm very good at what I do. Probably the best I know. Thing is, fixing's the name of the game. Literally. Fix-It Felix Jr. So yeah, naturally, the guy with the name Fix-It Felix is the good guy. He's nice enough as good guys go. Definitely fixes stuff really well. But, uh, if you got a magic hammer from your father, how hard can it be? If he was a regular contractor, carpenter guy, I guarantee you, you will not be able to fix the damage that I do as quickly. When Felix does a good job, he gets a medal. But, are there medals for wrecking stuff really well? To that, I say, "Ha!" and, "No, there aren't." For thirty years I have been doing this, and I have seen a lot of other games come and go. It's sad. Think about those guys at Asteroids? Boom, gone. Centipede? Who knows where that guy is, you know? Look, a steady arcade gig is nothing to sneeze at, I'm very lucky. It's just, I gotta say, it becomes kinda hard to love your job when no one seems to like you for doing it.
[first line] My name's Ralph, and I'm a bad guy. Uh, let's see…I'm 9 feet tall, I weigh 643 pounds, got a bit of a temper on me. My passion levels very near the surface, I guess—not gonna lie. Anywho, what else, uh…I'm a wrecker. I wreck things, professionally. I mean, I'm very good at what I do. Probably the best I know. Thing is, fixing's the name of the game. Literally. Fix-It Felix Jr. So yeah, naturally, the guy with the name Fix-It Felix is the good guy. He's nice enough as good guys go. Definitely fixes stuff really well. But, uh, if you got a magic hammer from your father, how hard can it be? If he was a regular contractor, carpenter guy, I guarantee you, you will not be able to fix the damage that I do as quickly. When Felix does a good job, he gets a medal. But, are there medals for wrecking stuff really well? To that, I say, "Ha!" and, "No, there aren't." For thirty years I have been doing this, and I have seen a lot of other games come and go. It's sad. Think about those guys at Asteroids ? Boom, gone. Centipede ? Who knows where that guy is, you know? Look, a steady arcade gig is nothing to sneeze at, I'm very lucky. It's just, I gotta say, it becomes kinda hard to love your job when no one seems to like you for doing it.
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