Wristcutters: A Love Story quotes

View Quote Eugene: Cute? That's what they say about the puppy. The only thing worse is good friend, or nice person. In plain English it means I'll leech off you as long as I can, but don't even think about getting into my pants.

View Quote Eugene: **** it all.

View Quote Eugene: I'm not sitting in the back.
Zia: Why not?
Eugene: Cause everybody knows guy in the back seat doesn't have a ****.
Zia': [Startled] What?
Eugene: That's a fact. If the guy in the back seat had a **** he wouldn't be there in the first place.
Zia: Well... I mean, I got a ****, man, so.. I'm not.. Mik do you have a ****?
Mikal: Yeah I have a ****. Big fat one.

View Quote Eugene: Let me put this way. Since you got here, how many times did you get laid, man?
Zia: Why?
Eugene: Just a question.
Zia: Actually laid?
Eugene: Yes.
Zia: None, I think.
Eugene: You think?
Zia: None! But what's that got to do with any of this?
Eugene: Plenty. 'Cause your sperm count is so high, you think you're having an out of body experience like nobody in the ****ing universe, man.

View Quote Kneller: Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, "You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!" said the straight tree. He said, "I'm tall and I'm straight." And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, "Cut all the straight trees." And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange.

View Quote Kneller: T-bone steak?
Yan: 16 ounces, thick cut.
Kneller: Dammit.

View Quote Kneller: [Waving a stuffed animal in front of Freddy] Come on, Freddy! Come on!
Messiah: Don't do that.. you're confusing him.
[Freddy growls.]
Messiah: The dog has spoken.

View Quote Mikal: Where are you going?
Eugene: East-ish.
Mikal: East-ish? You guys have no clue where you're going, do you?
Eugene: Well, you haven't been here very long, right?
Mikal: Why's that?
Eugene: Because if anybody here had a clue they wouldn't be here in the first place.

View Quote Yan: They feed him t-bone steak and he refuses to come back.
Kneller: Freddy has been brainwashed.

View Quote Zia: He was floating in the air..
Kneller: I wouldn't pay attention to what happens all the time around here.
Zia: What happens? Miracles?
Kneller: Yeah. People floating in the air, like, uh, people turning stones into plants, or, changing the color of different objects.
Zia: Fixing the headlights, maybe?
Kneller: What do you mean, fixing the headlights?
Zia: [To Kneller] His headlights have been broken for ages, and she fixed them not far from here just by touching a button.
Kneller: Oh. Yeah, something small and insignificant like that.

View Quote Zia: I'm not going out tonight. It just makes me depressed.
Eugene: So, what you gonna do? Kill yourself?
Zia: I dunno.. maybe.
Eugene: As if anything could make you happy.

View Quote Zia: Listen, you know what? Forget Desiree. I got another reason for you to go.
Eugene: Give it shot.
Zia: You got anything better to do?

View Quote Zia: Remember the other day, when you were talkin' about missing things from life, and, uh, that you wanted to go back and I didn't miss anything?
Mikal: Yeah?
Zia: Being here.... with you I kinda miss myself.. the way I used to be..
Mikal: What were you like?
Zia: I was happy, at the time. Obviously before I came here.

View Quote Zia: What, you don't like it here?
Mikal: Are you joking? Do you guys like it here? Who the hell likes being stuck in a place where you can't even smile? It's hot as balls, everybody's an asshole. I just wanna go home.