Most scenes together: Jay & Chrissy (35), Chrissy & Justice (9), Whillenholly & Chrissy (8)
Hitchhiker Have you seen the price of bus tickets lately. There's no way I'm gonna cough up 200 bucks just to get to Chicago.
**** that, I don't wanna cough up some dude's sperm.
Hitchhiker Don't be so suburban. It's the new millennium. Gay, straight... it's all the same now. There are no more lines.
Well there's a line, and on this side of it, we ain't gay.
If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank.
What buzz?
The Internet buzz.
What the **** is the Internet?
The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another.
Hey, little man! You want some of this?
How 'bout you, big boy?
You got 50 bucks, we can get NASTY.
Oh, yeah? How nasty?
As nasty as you want to be, papi.
Oh, all right. Well, first, I want you to tongue my bung, while you juggle my balls in one hand, and play with my asshole with the other, but don't stick you're finger in. Then I want to pinky you while I stick in your ****in' friend's brown, while Silent Bob watches, and ****in' spanks it in a Dixie cup. After that, I want to smell your titties for a while, and you can pull my nutsack up over my dick so it looks like a bullfrog. Then I want you to ****in' flick my nuts while your friend spanks me off in the same Dixie cup that Silent Bob jizzed in. Then, we throw the Dixie cup out.
Oh, that's it, honey! I quit! This job just passed the point of no return!
Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to 3rd base with her?
Well, actually there was this one time...
I would *never* **** a sheep!
Well, come on! SAY IT already!
THE SIGN! ON THE BACK OF THE CAR! IT SAID "CRITTERS OF HOLLYWOOD"! YOU DUMB ****!
****, ****, ****,
Mother, mother ****,
Mother, mother ****, ****
Mother ****, mother ****,
Noich noich noich,
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4,
Noich, noich noich
Smokin' weed, smokin' wizz,
Doin' coke, drinkin' beers,
Drinkin' beers, beers, beers,
Rollin' fattys, smokin' blunts,
Who smokes the blunts?
We smoke the blunts.
Rollin' blunts and smokin'...
Uh, let me get a nickel bag.
Fifteen bucks, little man,
Put that shit in my hand,
If that money doesn't show,
Then you owe me, owe me, owe,
My jungle love, yeah,
Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe,
I think I want to know ya, know ya,
Yeah, what?
Teen #1 What the hell are you singing?
You don't know "Jungle Love?" That shit is the mad notes. Written by God herself and sent down to the greatest band in the world: The mother-**** Time.
You mean the guys in that Prince movie?
Teen #1 Yeah, Purple Rain.
Man, that shit was so gay - **** eighties style.
I'd known that shit earlier, man, I've been stealing monkeys since I was like seven and shit. Don't, mother****er. Don't you ruin this for me. Me and Justice are getting married one day, so don't be giving me no look like, "Oh, we ain't gonna steal the monkey, shit." I'm Morris Day, you're Jerome, bitch. Don't forget that. That girl, that girl's in love with me.
Oh yeah...
I was a guard. Alright, and after it's all over, you say "Ooh, what a lovely tea party".
And I can't believe fine-ass bitches like yourselves eat that shit. Don't you know fast food makes girls fart?
Do they say who's ****in' playing us in the movie?
No, but it's Miramax. So I'm sure it'll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They put those guys in a bunch of movies.
Who?
You know, those kids from Good Will Hunting?
You mean that ****in' movie with Mork from Ork in it?
Yeah, I wasn't a big fan either... but Affleck was the bomb in "Phantoms".
Word, bitch, Phantoms like a mall****er.
Hey, I'll make you a deal - this guy
Contrary to what you believe, not everyone in Hollywood is a homosexual.
How about this deal- he'll suck my dick while you watch and jerk off.
Make it fast and sexy.
Hey, lawdog.
See you in hell, cocksmoker!
Hey, wait a second! Aren't you the guy who **** the pie!
You see! It's never "Hey! You're that guy from Loser" or "Hey you rocked in Boys and Girls." No, it always comes back to that **** pie! I'm HAUNTED by it!
You put your dick in a pie!
