Airplane II: The Sequel quotes

View Quote Mr. Hammen: And how about the time we hopped in the family car and drove all the way to Woodstock?
Mrs Hammen: Oh, that was a time. You got hold of that bad acid and didn't come down for two weeks. You keep telling everyone that you were Jesus Christ and then you jumped off a roof 'cause you thought you could fly!
Mr. Hammen: What a bummer.
Mrs. Hammen: No shit.

View Quote Mr. Hammen: I've always loved you darling, but I have to tell you, I was unfaithful to you, just once.
Mrs. Hammen: Oh I understand, darling.
Mr. Hammen: Remember Joan? My first secretary?
Mrs. Hammen: Thats alright, I knew about it all the time. I was unfaithful too.
Mr. Hammen: I understand darling.
Mrs. Hammen: Remember Susan? Your last receptionist?

View Quote Opening Crawl: [scrolling up a la Star Wars style] By the close of the twentieth century, construction of colonies on the lunar surface had begun and with this colonization came a new era in space travel. As our story opens, Mayflower 1, the first passenger shuttle to the moon, prepares for its maiden voyage--a voyage filled with hope, yet destined for disaster. Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, Princess Amoura lay back in her bed as the handsome young knight entered the room. The princess slipped off her robe, revealing her silky white thighs. The knight embraced her roughly, and began to caress her soft, round…

View Quote Prosecuting Attorney: Doctor can you give the court your impression of Mr Striker.
Dr. Stone: I'm sorry I don't do impressions, my training is in psychiatry.
Prosecuting Attorney: Of course.

View Quote ROC: Voice interface.
Elaine Dickinson: There's an overheat in the core. Please analyze problem.
ROC: There is no apparent overheat.
Elaine Dickinson: Yes, there is, ROC. We read a coreheat. Repeat analysis.
ROC: Analysis confirmed. All systems compute positive.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, not from where I'm sitting, they don't!
ROC: Look, Elaine. Cut the "not from where I'm sitting" shit. It must be a human error.
[Elaine turns to the captain]
Elaine Dickinson: Captain, I think we have a computer foul-up!
Clarence Oveur: I see.
Elaine Dickinson: Well, what do you recommend, Captain?
Clarence Oveur: Maybe you'd better run it through the computer.
Elaine Dickinson: But sir, I already have!
Clarence Oveur: [looking very pleased] Good!

View Quote Simon: Gentleman, I'd like you to meet our new captain.
Clarence Oveur: Gentlemen, welcome aboard.
Simon: Captain, your navigator, Mr. Unger, and your first officer Mr. Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Unger.
Unger: Oveur.
Dunn: Oveur.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn. Gentlemen, let's get to work.
Simon: Unger, didn't you serve Oveur in the Air Force?
Unger: Not directly. Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn.
Dunn: Yep.
Simon: So, Dunn you were under Oveur and over Unger.
Unger: Yep.
Clarence Oveur: That's right. Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.
Unger: So you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn.
Clarence Oveur: Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn.

View Quote Soldier: Those lights are blinking out of sequence.
Buck Murdock: I see.
Soldier: What should we do?
Buck Murdock: Make them blink in sequence.

View Quote Steve McCroskey: Listen good. That thing is bound to come apart on you at that speed, and that's no good! It's got to be in one piece when you land on the moon! You know damn well that that warp drive has never been tested! [stabs his cigarette into the left hand of the controller sitting next to him] You're putting yourself and everybody else on that ship in jeopardy!
[Cuts to Art Fleming hosting a Jeopardy! game on the shuttle with the passengers as the contestants]
Art Fleming: All right, Contestant #38.
Contestant #38: Art, I'll take Air Shuttle Disasters for $40.
Art Fleming: The answer is... [The $40 display rotates to reveal the answer] ...the Mayflower!

View Quote Steve McCroskey: We're all betting on you. [In another room, people draw their bets as to whether the Shuttle passengers will die or not]

View Quote Steve McCroskey: [drunkenly] Gentlemen, I don't find it easy to talk at a time like this, but I got to say something about that guy up there, and I can sum it all up in just one word: courage...dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, *guts*. Why, Ted Striker's got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon. [He gestures extravagantly and falls over]

View Quote Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.
Jacobs: Well, let's see. First the Earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. [McCroskey walks off] And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it- [Jacobs turns and starts to walk away, continuing to speak, trailing off as he gets further from the camera] he took her best summer dress and he put it on and went to town...

View Quote Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickinson?
Jacobs: Well, I'm two inches taller, a better dancer, and much more fun to be with.

View Quote Steve McCroskey: We keep losing their radio!
Bug Kruger: Give it to me straight, McCroskey! What's it look like?
Steve McCroskey: [puzzled] The radio? About so big, green, with numbers and lots of knobs...what?
Bug Kruger: I mean the situation! What do your people think?
[The controllers begin thinking about the people in the hijacked airplane]
Controller #2: They're screwed!
Controller #3: They're dead!
Controller Jacobs: Did I leave the iron on?

View Quote Steven McCroskey: Striker? Striker, Striker, Striker!
[a man behind McCroskey strikes a woman]

View Quote Ted Striker: I got a piece of metal. It's a bobby pin.
Murdock: A bobby pin? What the hell is the man doing with a bobby pin?