Airplane II: The Sequel quotes

View Quote Ted Striker: Mary, which passenger is Joe Solucci?
Mary: 16C. Why?
Ted Striker: He's carrying a bomb.
Mary: A bah—[hands fly up to her mouth to muffle her words]
Striker: No, Not a bah. A bomb.

View Quote Ted Striker: Quick, you must get everybody into the lounge.
Testa: But we don't have a lounge.
Ted Striker: That's not important right now.

View Quote Ted Striker: We're going to have to blow the computer!
Elaine Dickinson: Blow ROC?
[a smiling face appears on the computer]

View Quote Ted Striker: We're not in the past or the present anymore, Elaine. This... is the FUTURE.

View Quote Terrorists At Beginning of film: Watch your step! [as they help blindfolded victims out of their van]

View Quote The Sarge: Ted Striker was right when he test-piloted that sucker. And what did he get for telling the truth? A one-way ticket to the funny farm!

View Quote Witness: Striker was the squadron leader. He brought us in real low. But he couldn't handle it.
Prosecuting Attorney: Buddy couldn't handle it. Was Buddy one of your crew?
Witness: Right. Buddy was the bombardier. But it was Striker who couldn't handle it, and he went to pieces.
Prosecuting Attorney: Andy went to pieces?
Witness: No. Andy was the navigator. He was all right. Buddy went to pieces. It was awful how he came unglued.
Prosecuting Attorney: Howie came unglued?
Witness: Oh, no. Howie was a rock, the best tailgunner in the outfit. Buddy came unglued.
Prosecuting Attorney: And he bailed out?
Witness: No. Andy hung tough. Buddy bailed out. How he survived, it was a miracle.
Prosecuting Attorney: Then Howie survived?
Witness: No, 'fraid not. We lost Howie the next day.
Prosecuting Attorney: Over Macho Grande?
Witness: No. I don't think I'll ever get over Macho Grande. Those wounds run...pretty deep.

View Quote [in a montage of news reports]
Buffalo Anchorman: Our top story tonight: Four alarm fire rages through Downtown Buffalo. Also in the news, Lunar Shuttle heads for the Sun, and certain disaster.
Tokyo Anchorman: Our top story tonight: Four alarm fire rages through Downtown Tokyo. Also in the news, American Lunar Shuttle locked in death struggle. [on the screen behind the anchorman is a clip of Godzilla clenching a Lunar Shuttle in between his teeth]
Moscow Anchorman: [being held at gunpoint] A four-alarm fire in Downtown Moscow clears way for a glorious new tractor factory. And on the lighter side of the news: Hundreds of Capitalists are soon to perish in Shuttle disaster. [as we cut to the next scene, a gunshot is heard]

View Quote [Ted climbs over the wall guarding the mental hospital, removes his gown revealing his regular clothes and throws the gown out of harm's way. The gown comes back and covers Ted's head. Ted drops the gown beside him and starts to run while trying to avoid being spotted by a searchlight. Ted pauses when he encounters a lounge singer in a spotlight. The singer wears a tuxedo with his bow tie untied and he holds a microphone. It's Jack Jones.]
Lounge Singer: [sings] floats back to you... Ooh, The Love Boat... soon will be making another run. The Love Boat...
[Ted continues to run]

View Quote [The Wilsons arrive at checkpoint]
Porter: Can I help you folks?
Alice Wilson, John Wilson: Oh, yes, thank you.
Porter: Aw, is that your dog, son?
[looking at Scraps, Jimmy's dog]
Jimmy Wilson: Yes, his name is Scraps, and he's going to the moon with us.
Porter: Oh no. No dogs are allowed in the shuttle son. I'm afraid Scraps will have to be shot.
[pulls out a gun, shoots the dog and the dog falls to the floor]
Jimmy Wilson: [shouts, bending toward his dog] Scraps! He shot him! He shot Scraps!
[Jimmy's parents look horrified]
Porter: Just joking. Blanks, see? Scraps is fine.
[dog stands up and Porter, Alice and John Wilson are laughing]