Airplane! quotes

View Quote Capt. Oveur: You ever been in a ****pit before?
Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Capt. Oveur: You ever...seen a grown man naked?

View Quote Control Tower Worker: Captain, maybe we ought to turn on the search lights now.
Kramer: No...that's just what they'll be expecting us to do.

View Quote Dr Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can, this woman has to be gotten to a hospital..
Elaine: A hospital! What is it?
Dr Rumack: It's a big building with patients and doctors and nurses but that's not important right now.

View Quote Elaine: Ted! What are you doing here! You can't fly this plane!
Striker: That's what I've been trying to tell these people!

View Quote Elaine: Would you like something to read?
Old Lady: Do you have anything light?
Elaine: Uhh...how about this leaflet, Famous Jewish Sports Legends?

View Quote Elaine: You got a telegram from headquarters today.
Striker: Headquarters? What is it?
Elaine: Well, it's a big building where generals meet. But that's not important right now.

View Quote Joey: Wait a minute! I know you. You're Kareem Abdul-Jabar. You played basketball for the Los Angeles Lakers.
Murdock: I'm sorry son, but you must have me confused with some-one else. My name is Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.
Joey: You are Kareem! I've seen you play. My dad's got season tickets.
Murdock: I think you should go back to your seat now Joey. Right Clarence?
Capt. Oveur: Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he's not bothering anyone, let him stay here.
Murdock: But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I'm an airline pilot.
Joey: I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defence. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try... except during the playoffs.
Murdock: The hell I don't!! ( grabs Joey by collar ) LISTEN KID! I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.

View Quote Kramer (Over radio): How's it handling?
Striker: Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Elaine (Dutifully relaying via radio to Kramer): Sluggish, like a wet sponge.
Striker (To Elaine): It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts.
Elaine (Over radio): It's a damn good thing you don't know how much he hates your guts.

View Quote Male PA Announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Female PA Announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone.
Male PA Announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone.
Male PA Announcer: The red zone has always been for loading.
Female PA Announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading.
Male PA Announcer: Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. There's just no stopping in a white zone.
Female PA Announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
Male PA Announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do. If its done safely, therapeutically, there's no danger involved.

View Quote McCroskey: [hands over a map on a piece of paper] Johnny, what can you make outta this?
Johnny: This? Why I could make a hat, or a brooch, a pterodactyl... (McCroskey yanks the paper out of Johnny's hands, and Johnny resumes typing on the typewriter.)

View Quote McCroskey: I want the best available man on this, a man who knows that plane inside and out and won't crack under pressure.
Johnny: How 'bout Mr. Rogers?

View Quote Murdock: Do you want me to check the weather, Clarence?
Capt. Oveur: No, why don't you take care of it.

View Quote Old Lady: Nervous?
Striker: Yes.
Old Lady: First time?
Striker: No, I've been nervous lots of times.
Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow, we're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 18:00 hours. We're coming in from the North, below their radar.
Elaine: When will you be back?
Striker: I can't tell you that. It's classified.

View Quote Radar Man: Bad news, the fog's getting thicker...
Johnny: (Leaps in from nowhere) And Leon's getting LAAAAAAAAARRRRGEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!! (Jumps offscreen again.)

View Quote Randy: Excuse me sir, there's been a little problem in the ****pit...
Striker: The ****pit...what is it?
Randy: It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that's not important right now.