American Pie quotes

40 total quotes

Jim
Jim's Dad
Multiple Characters
Steve Stifler

View Quote Chuck Sherman: I am The Sherminator. I'm a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time, to change the future for one lucky lady.

View Quote Coach Marshall: I don't want any of you boys thinking that you're gonna score. You don't score, until you score!

View Quote Finch: God bless the Internet.

View Quote Garage Band Member: Go trig boy, it's your birthday.

View Quote Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful.
College Girl: What did you just say?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful!
[girl laughs]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: My friends call me Nova...as in Casanova.
College Girl: That's pathetic!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Jeez, you don't have to laugh at me.

View Quote Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: [On being sensitive] All you got to do is to ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
Steve Stifler: I dunno man, sounds like a lot of work!

View Quote Finch: You have anything to drink?
Stifler's Mom: I believe the kegs are upstairs.
Finch: That is what the cretins drink. I'm talking about alcohol, liquor...the good stuff.
Stifler's Mom: I've got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

View Quote Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky: I've never tried it.
Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse?

View Quote Jim's Dad: [talking about masturbation] It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
Jim: Right.
Jim's Dad: It's not a game.
Jim: No.
Jim's Dad: What you want is a partner to return the ball. You want a partner, don't you, son?
Jim: Oh yeah, Dad. I want a partner.
Jim's Dad: Good. Good. That's very good.

View Quote Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?

View Quote Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator? [both laugh]

View Quote Kevin: Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny.
Jim: [imitating dubbed martial-arts dialogue] Their tiger-style kung fu is strong, but our dragon-style kung fu will defeat it!
Kevin: Guys.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: The Shaolin masters of East and West must unite! Fight! And find out who is number one!
Kevin: Guys! I'm serious!

View Quote Kevin: [after Stifler drinks the tainted beer] Hey Stifler, how's the man chowder? ('pale ale' in TV edit)
Steve Stifler: **** you!

View Quote Kevin: [watching Jim and Nadia over the Internet] Oh he's pullin' out the porn.
Finch: He's desperate. Jim, just wait till she leaves.

View Quote Michelle: Oh! And this one time... at band camp... I stuck a flute in my pussy!
Jim: [taking a drink then realizes what she said and spits it out] Excuse me?
Michelle: What? You think I don't know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... sex-ed. So are we gonna screw soon, 'cuz I'm getting kind of antsy!