American Pie quotes

40 total quotes

Jim
Jim's Dad
Multiple Characters
Steve Stifler

View Quote Michelle: What's my name? Say my name, bitch!
Jim: Michelle! Michelle.

View Quote Nadia: so umm "shaved" is the expression.[Nadia takes off her panties, and Jim is agape.]
Jim: Holy shit.
Finch: Holy shit!
Garage Band Members (Tom Delonge, Mark Hoppus, Travis Barker of w:Blink 182): [together] Holy shit.
Enthusiastic Guy: [enthusiastically laughs] Holy shit!
Stifler's Brother (7 years): this is like the coolest thing i've ever seen.
Steve Stifler: I know.

View Quote Steve Stifler: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to prom. So do you wanna go?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah, that would be great.
Steve Stifler: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Stifler, ****! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Steve Stifler: What? Whatever.

View Quote Steve Stifler: Hey Kev, seen Shit-break lately?
Kevin: Why? what did you do to him?
Steve Stifler: Me? Nothing. I'm the one whose ass he kicked, remember? Here's one thing I know, Shit-break won't have a problem shitting at school anymore. Slipped a little something into his moccachino. [smirks while showing a jar of laxatives]

View Quote Steve Stifler: You actually said that? [laughs hysterically]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Shut up!
Jim: You did better than me Nova.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Don't call me that any more. I'm a fraud.
Steve Stifler: You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hottie. [shouts] Suck me, beautiful!
[walks off, laughing]

View Quote Stifler's Mom: [Laughs] Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Finch?
Finch: Yes Ma'am, I am.
[Stifler's Mom gestures in another direction. Finch looks at pool table and back to Stifler's Mom.]
Stifler's Mom: You're dead.

View Quote Stifler: [at the library, talking to Jim] **** me! there's gonna be eastern european chick naked in your house, and you're not gonna do anything about that?
Jim: What am I gonna do, broadcast it over the Internet?
Stifler: [awed at Jim's suggestion] Yeah.
Kevin: [looks at Stifler and Jim] you can do that?

View Quote Vicky: I want it to be the right time, the right place.
Jessica: It's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex.

View Quote Vicky: [discussing Kevin difficulties saying he love her] Maybe the words aren't that important. It's like, I know he really cares about me, you know even if he can't say it he does. And yeah, he always talk about sex, but that's ok cause he's a guy, right?
Jessica: He got a dick, he's a guy.
Vicky: Right.

View Quote Vicky: [whispers during exam] Kevin? Kevin?
Kevin: What?
Vicky: I wanna have sex.
Kevin: Now?! [loud voice attracts seatmates]
Vicky: Prom.

View Quote [After watching Oz in choir practice]
Steve Stifler: What did you ****s do to him?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: You came to see me in action?
Jim: Yeah man, I thought you sounded really good!
Steve Stifler: Yeah man, I think you need your balls reattached!

View Quote [while looking at a picture of Stifler's mom]
MILF Guy #2: Dude, chick's a MILF!
MILF Guy #1: What the hell is that?
MILF Guy #2: M-I-L-F Mom I'd Like to ****!
MILF Guy #1: Yeah dude! Yeah!
MILF Guys: MILF, MILF, MILF! [MILF Guy #1 proceeds to lick picture]

View Quote Here's an idea: why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and ****ing use them!

View Quote I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

View Quote I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.