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Cashier: Hi, welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you?
Sonny: What do you want?
Julian: Cheerios.
Sonny: Cheerios, they don't got Cheerios, what else?
Julian: Lasagna.
Sonny: Lasagna? What the hell's the matter with you? We'll take hotcakes and sausage.
Cashier: Sorry, sir. We stopped serving breakfast.
Sonny: [looks at the clock on the wall] What are you talking about? We're 4 seconds late.
Cashier: No, you're 30 minutes and 4 seconds late. We stop serving breakfast at 10:30.
Sonny: AW, HORSESHIT! [Julian starts crying] No, no. Don't cry, I wasn't cursing at you. I was cursing at the lady.
Customer: Nice parenting.
Sonny: Hey, thanks. Are you my therapist? [throws the man's fries] Take a walk! [to Julian] Do you want a Happy Meal? Can I get you one of those Happy Meals? You got a Happy Meal? Can we get a Happy Meal? WILL SOMEBODY GET THE KID A HAPPY MEAL?!
[later, Sonny and Julian leave McDonald's; they meet up with the homeless man again]
Homeless Man: Hey, man, where's my Egg McMuffin?
Sonny: Breakfast is over at 10:30.
Homeless Man: Really?
Sonny: Yeah.
Homeless Man: I thought it was 11:00.
Sonny: I thought that too.
Homeless Man: Total mind blower.
Sonny: What do you want?
Julian: Cheerios.
Sonny: Cheerios, they don't got Cheerios, what else?
Julian: Lasagna.
Sonny: Lasagna? What the hell's the matter with you? We'll take hotcakes and sausage.
Cashier: Sorry, sir. We stopped serving breakfast.
Sonny: [looks at the clock on the wall] What are you talking about? We're 4 seconds late.
Cashier: No, you're 30 minutes and 4 seconds late. We stop serving breakfast at 10:30.
Sonny: AW, HORSESHIT! [Julian starts crying] No, no. Don't cry, I wasn't cursing at you. I was cursing at the lady.
Customer: Nice parenting.
Sonny: Hey, thanks. Are you my therapist? [throws the man's fries] Take a walk! [to Julian] Do you want a Happy Meal? Can I get you one of those Happy Meals? You got a Happy Meal? Can we get a Happy Meal? WILL SOMEBODY GET THE KID A HAPPY MEAL?!
[later, Sonny and Julian leave McDonald's; they meet up with the homeless man again]
Homeless Man: Hey, man, where's my Egg McMuffin?
Sonny: Breakfast is over at 10:30.
Homeless Man: Really?
Sonny: Yeah.
Homeless Man: I thought it was 11:00.
Sonny: I thought that too.
Homeless Man: Total mind blower.
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Waitress: What are you doing in here, cutie?
Julian: Watching football.
Waitress: Who do you want to win?
Julian: The god damn Jets.
Waitress: [laughs] Have fun.
Julian: Watching football.
Waitress: Who do you want to win?
Julian: The god damn Jets.
Waitress: [laughs] Have fun.
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[Julian hands Sonny a video cassette]
Sonny: What's this?
Julian: The Kangaroo Song.
Sonny: All right. Great. That's terrific. And we're gonna watch this after the game, okay?
Julian: But after my nap, I always watch The Kangaroo Song.
Sonny: It's overtime right now, and there's a penalty shot about to take place. This happens, like, once every 10 years.
Julian: Kangaroo Song. Kangaroo Song. Kangaroo Song! KANGAROO SONG!
Sonny: ALL RIGHT!!! God! You were normal yesterday!
Sonny: What's this?
Julian: The Kangaroo Song.
Sonny: All right. Great. That's terrific. And we're gonna watch this after the game, okay?
Julian: But after my nap, I always watch The Kangaroo Song.
Sonny: It's overtime right now, and there's a penalty shot about to take place. This happens, like, once every 10 years.
Julian: Kangaroo Song. Kangaroo Song. Kangaroo Song! KANGAROO SONG!
Sonny: ALL RIGHT!!! God! You were normal yesterday!
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[about two gay friends] What's the big deal? They're the same guys — they just watch a different kind of porno now.
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[drops a can in a supermarket] Dented cans are half-price. Microsoft went down 3 points. We gotta save some money.
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Having a son is great... As long as his eyes are closed, and he's not moving or talking.
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The boy just won't quit peeing and throwing up. He's like a ****er spaniel!
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Vanessa, you're a HOOTER'S girl?