Sonny Koufax quotes
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[about two gay friends] What's the big deal? They're the same guys — they just watch a different kind of porno now.
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Vanessa, you're a HOOTER'S girl?
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Having a son is great... As long as his eyes are closed, and he's not moving or talking.
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The boy just won't quit peeing and throwing up. He's like a ****er spaniel!
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[drops a can in a supermarket] Dented cans are half-price. Microsoft went down 3 points. We gotta save some money.