Bull Durham quotes

View Quote Ebby: [After he has challenged Crash to a fight] I don't hit no man first.
Crash Davis: All right, then... [throws him a baseball] ...hit me in the chest with that.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: I'd kill you!
Crash Davis: Yeah? From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a ****ing boat. [the crowd that has gathered gawks] Come on; right here, right in the chest.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: No way!
Crash Davis: C'mon, Meat! Throw it! You know you're not gonna hit me, cause you've already started to think about it, eh? Thinkin' about how embarassing it would be to miss in front of all these people, how somebody might laugh? Come on, 'rook, show us that million-dollar arm. 'Cause I got; oh yeah, I got a good idea about that five-cent head of yours.
[LaLoosh throws the ball and misses Crash by several feet, breaking a window]
Crash Davis: Ball four.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Who the hell are you, man?!
[LaLoosh charges at Crash, who drops him with one punch to the face]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Good punch...
Crash Davis: I'm Crash Davis; I'm your new catcher, and you just got lesson number one; Don't think. You can only hurt the ball club.

View Quote Joe Reardon: He walked 18.
Larry: New league record!
Joe Reardon: Struck out 18.
Larry: Another new league record! In addition he hit the sportswriter, the public address announcer, the bull mascot twice...
[Joe laughs]
Larry: Also new league records! But, Joe, this guy's got some serious shit.

View Quote Skip: Ebby?! [Ebby and Millie are half dressed in the locker room. Millie ducks behind a locker.] Jesus. Game starts in four minutes! Why ain't you warm?!
Ebby: I am warm.
Skip: I'm fining you a hundred dollars. Jesus, Ebby, this is your professional debut tonight -- you know how many guys out there'd give blood to be in your shoes an' you're leavin' your fastball in the locker room for some piece of ass!
Millie: Skip, It's me! I'm not some quote piece of ass unquote.
Skip: Oh, Millie, jeez, sorry -- I didn't recognize ya. Don't take it personal but if I catch you in here again you're banned from the ballpark.
Millie: You can't ban me from the ballpark 'cause Daddy donated the scoreboard and if you banned me he might take the scoreboard away.
Skip: Whatta we need a scoreboard for? We haven't scored any runs all year. [to Ebby] Get your ass out there.
Ebby: Hey Boss, I got a question.
Skip: [exasperated] What?!
Ebby: You think I need a nickname? I think I need a nickname. The great ones have nicknames -- somethin' like Oil Can or Catfish...[to Millie] What was the one you suggested?
Millie: "Pokey"
Ebby: Yeah, what do you think of "Pokey"?
Skip: [stares for a second] Ya got three minutes! [storms out]
Ebby: Got time for another quickie?
Millie: Jesus, you got a game to pitch!
Ebby: But we got three minutes.

View Quote Skip: You guys. You lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Larry!
Larry: Lollygaggers!
Skip: Lollygaggers. What's our record, boy?
Larry: Eight and sixteen.
Skip: 8-16! How the hell did we ever win eight?
Larry: It's a miracle.
Skip: It's a miracle!

View Quote [after Ebby didn't listen to Crash, and the ball became a home run]
Crash: Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: You told him didn't you?
Crash Davis: Yup.

View Quote [Larry jogs out to the mound to break up a players' conference]
Larry: Excuse me, but what the hell's going on out here?
Crash Davis: Well, Nuke's scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man's here. We need a live... is it a live rooster?
[Jose nods]
Crash Davis: . We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present.
[to the players]
Crash Davis: Is that about right?
[the players nod]
Crash Davis: We're dealing with a lot of shit.
Larry: Okay, well, uh... candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let's get two! Go get 'em.

View Quote [Mechanized bull noises in background, signifying a home run]
Crash Davis: Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn't he? [laughs]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: [softly, infuriated] I held it like an egg.
Crash Davis: Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a bitch. Look at that, he hit the ****ing bull! Guy gets a free steak! [laughs]
Crash Davis: You having fun yet?
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Oh, yeah. Havin' a blast.
Crash Davis: Good.
[pause]
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!
Crash Davis: He did know.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: How?
Crash Davis: I told him.

View Quote A good friend of mine used to say, "This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." Think about that for a while.

View Quote Having a conversation with you is like a Martian talking to a Fungo.

View Quote I believe in the soul, the ****, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

View Quote I give you a gift, you're gonna stand here and show up my pitcher? Run, dummy!

View Quote I'm the player to be named later.

View Quote Never **** with a winning streak.

View Quote Sears sucks, Crash. Boy, I once worked there. Sold Lady Kenmores. Nasty, whoa, nasty.

View Quote The rose goes in the front, big guy.