Can't Hardly Wait quotes

View Quote Angel Stripper: Fate. There is fate. But it only takes you so far, because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen.

View Quote Cop: Lichter? William Lichter? Let's go. Your parents are here to take you home.
William Lichter: Oh... no. Oh... my parents? They're here? They must be so mad at me! Have you seen my father? Does he have a weapon of some kind?
Cop: Afraid not. Actually, they're more worried about you than anything else. You know, it's not your fault that... [reads from a clipboard in a very sarcastic tone] Mike Dexter beat you up and forced you to drink alcohol until you passed out.
William Lichter: Wh-what?
Cop: That's the statement we got from the Dexter kid. He made you drink, took your chothes off.
William Lichter: He... he said that?
Cop: Unless... if you have another unconvincing side of the story you'd like to tell...
William Lichter: No... no, no, no. It's what... yeah. Uh, you know. It's just the funny thing that... he finally came clean, you know? Mike, always picking on me, yeah.

View Quote Kenny Fisher: Yo, I gotta have sex tonight! I mean peep this - They say here ninety-two percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. Ninety-two of the women in Los Angeles at UCLA walking around going, "Class... or sex? What shall I do?" Ninety-two percent, yo! Hey, you know what that means?
Ritchie Koolboy: What?
Kenny Fisher: It means I gots a ninety-two percent chance of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shorty be like, "What's up yo?" she be like, "You don't know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa", cuz I don't yo.

View Quote Mike Dexter: Guys, we're gonna be in college soon. You know what there's gonna be in college, right?
Jake: [beat] Girls that used to be in high school.
Mike Dexter: No, women. College women. Women with no curfew, women on the pill, women... women, bro. We are staring into the future here. And the future is women.

View Quote Mike Dexter: You remember the time that you had to make that really stupid speech, and I kinda sorta tripped you, and everybody started laughing at you in school?
William Lichter: OK, yeah. Yeah.
Mike Dexter: I'm sorry.
William Lichter: Oh, man. Don't worry about it.
Mike Dexter: Hey, it's ancient history, right?
William Lichter: It's ancient history.
Mike Dexter: When was that, anyway?
William Lichter: That was this morning at graduation.
Mike Dexter: Oh, yeah.

View Quote Preston Meyers: Any words of encouragement?
Exchange Student: Would you like to touch my penis? I am a sex machine.

View Quote Reminiscing Guy: Hey Amanda.
Amanda Beckett: Hey.
Reminiscing Guy: Remember that time you danced with me at the sock hop?
Amanda Beckett: Yeah.
Reminiscing Guy: I never told you, but I had the hugest boner. And I was just wondering if maybe we could get together and work things out.

View Quote William Lichter: OK, we're gonna rendezvous here at 0030 hours, all right?
X-Phile 1: Wait, William. There's gonna be drinking in there.
William Lichter: Yeah, so?
X-Phile 2: So what are you gonna do? They're gonna kick you out if you don't drink.
William Lichter: Well, I will be drinking.
X-Phile 1: But William, you could get drunk.
X-Phile 2: You could get addicted.

View Quote Yearbook Girl: Kenny Fisher, sign my yearbook.
Kenny Fisher: No, thanks. No time.
Yearbook Girl: Come on. Where's your school spirit? Go Hot Dogs!
Homeboy 1: Bitch, get a life!

View Quote [after he spilled water on his pants] Damn, she's gonna think I got that premature evacuation!

View Quote [narrating] It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time, I never would've seen her. But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High to set eyes on Amanda Beckett. It was her first day at school. Then, I'm sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart - the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?

View Quote All right this is it. It is finally time for Kenny Fisher to become... da man. Now I've done my laps, and all ten finalists are present and accounted for. Ten lovely ladies, yo. Each one at my disposal. Ten willing and able tour guides into the theme park of love. But who will it be? Which of you gorgeous ten will be the lucky one?

View Quote I don't know about you, but I really believe that there's one person out there, and for me it's gotta be Amanda.

View Quote Mike Dexter is an asshole. For the past decade, he has made a hobby of my pain. Witness exhibit A: my eighth grade science project - a working rain forest that Mike threw out a third floor window. It rains here no more. Witness exhibit B: an eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film festival; I saw no third dimension. And of course, how can I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well gentlemen, tonight Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night.

View Quote You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe, maybe it's just God's salt. And God's just waiting to eat us.