Clueless quotes

View Quote Now could all conversations please come to a halt? And could the suicide attempts please be postponed till the next period?

View Quote I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy

View Quote Cher Horowitz: [looks at Dionne's hat] Shopping with Dr. Seuss?
Dionne Davenport: [picks up Cher's backpack] Well, at least I wouldn't skin a collie to make my backpack.
Cher Horowitz: It's faux!

View Quote Dionne Davenport: Hello! There was a stop sign.
Cher Horowitz: I totally paused.

View Quote Murray Duvall: Woman, why don't you be answering any of my pages?
Dionne Davenport: I hate when you call me woman!
Murray Duvall: Where you been all weekend? What's up? You been jeepin' around behind my back?
Dionne Davenport: Jeepin'?
Cher Horowitz: Jeepin'.
Murray Duvall: Jeepin', jeepin'.
Dionne Davenport: No, but speaking of vehicular sex, perhaps you can explain to me how this cheap K-mart hair extension got into the back seat of your car.
Murray Duvall: I don't know where that came from. That looks like one of your stringy something or others you got up here...
Dionne Davenport: Excuse me. I do not wear polyester hair, okay? Unlike some people I know, like Shawanna.

View Quote Dionne Davenport: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, but thy eternal summer shall not fade. Phat! Did you write that?
Cher Horowitz: Duh, it's like a famous quote.
Dionne Davenport: From where?
Cher Horowitz: Cliff's Notes.

View Quote Mr. Wendell Hall: Cher Horowitz: Two tardies.
Cher Horowitz: I object! Do you recall the dates of these alleged tardies?
Mr. Wendell Hall: One was last Monday.
Cher Horowitz: Mr. Hall, I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies.
Mr. Wendell Hall: I assume you're referring to women's troubles and so, I'll let that one slide.

View Quote Mr. Wendell Hall: .... Uh, Amber, rebuttal?
Amber Mariens: Mr. Hall, how can I answer that? The topic is Haiti and she's talking about some little party.
Cher Horowitz: Hello! It was his fiftieth birthday!
Amber Mariens: [does "W" hand motion] Whatever! If she doesn't do her assignment, I can't do mine.

View Quote Josh Lucas: If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't 90% selfish, I'd die of shock.
Cher Horowitz: Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.

View Quote Mel Horowitz: You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C-plus to an A-minus?
Cher Horowitz: Totally based on my powers of persuasion. You proud?
Mel Horowitz: Honey, I couldn't be happier than if they were based on real grades.

View Quote Mel Horowitz: Cher, do you know what time it is?!
Cher Horowitz: Daddy, a watch doesn't exactly go with this outfit.
Mel Horowitz: Where the hell are you?
Cher Horowitz: At a party.
Mel Horowitz: Where? Kuwait?
Cher Horowitz: Is that in the Valley?

View Quote Josh Lucas: In some parts of the universe, maybe not in Contempo Casuals, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world.
Cher Horowitz: Thank you, Josh. I so need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me that part about Kenny G again?

View Quote Cher Horowitz: Hey! You know about this stuff. I wanna do something good for humanity.
Josh Lucas: How about sterilization?

View Quote Tai Fraiser: Cher, you're a virgin?
Cher Horowitz: God, you say that like it's a bad thing.
Dionne Davenport: Besides, the PC term is "hymenally challenged".

View Quote Murray Duvall: You almost had sex with who?
Cher Horowitz: Christian.
[Murray cracks up]
Dionne Davenport: What?
Murray Duvall: Yo, look! Are you bitches blind or something? Your man Christian is a cake boy.
Dionne Davenport and Cher Horowitz: A what?
Murray Duvall: He's a disco-dancing, Oscar-Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy.... Ya know what I'm saying? He's gay.