The Departed quotes

View Quote Queenan: So, do you have an idea of what we do here, my section?
Costigan: Sir yes sir, I have an idea sir.
Dignam: Whoa whoa whoa. Let's say you have no idea and leave it at that okay? No idea. Zip. None. If you had an idea about what we do, we would not be good at what we do, would we? We would be ****s. You calling us ****s?

View Quote Queenan: You work hard. You rise fast.
Dignam: Like a twelve year-old's dick.
Sullivan: Thank you, Sergeant.

View Quote Sullivan: [Dignam won't let Sullivan past] Problem?
Dignam: Yeah, I got a problem. I run rat ****s like you, okay? I don't like 'em.
Sullivan: The day you wouldn't take a promotion, let me know. And if you'd taken care of this, I wouldn't even be here.
Dignam: **** yourself, you piece of shit.
Sullivan: And I need the identities of your undercovers.
Dignam: Blow me. Not literally, though, unfortunately there's no promotion involved.

View Quote Sullivan: You're an FBI informant? Are you ****ing kidding me?
Costello: Grow up! [laughing] Of course I talked to the FBI.
Sullivan: Do they know who I am?
Costello: I... I never gave up anybody... who wasn't going down anyway. Nobody knows nothin'.
Sullivan: Frank... Frank. Do they know about me?
Costello: I know about you, Colin. You know I'd never give you up. You're like a...
Sullivan: What, like a son? To you? Is that what this is about? All that murderin'... and ****in'... and no sons?
[They shoot at each other]

View Quote Uncle Ed: What's this I hear from Stephanie about you becoming a policeman?
Costigan: You mean Stephanie, who was the only one who came to my father's funeral? That Stephanie?
Uncle Ed: Yeah, that Stepanie.
Costigan: Nothing much to it, Uncle Edward.
Uncle Ed: Are you trying to prove something to the family?
Costigan: When you say "the family," who do mean exactly? You?
Uncle Ed: You always have to question everything, don't you?
Costigan: Maybe it would have done you some good to have some questions from time to time, you know? "Am I an asshole? Are my kids a mess? Is my wife a money-grubbing whore?" I mean, those are questions, right? "Have I ever been good to my dying sister or am I just now pretending to be?"
Uncle Ed: Do you need some money for the funeral?
Costigan: When my mother dies, we don't have any more connection.

View Quote [Brown is telling Billy why he signed up for the police]
Brown: So after I finish this course, I'll get a blowjob again!
Costigan: That's great. Your mom sounds like a really great person.
Brown: **** you.

View Quote [Colin confronts Billy on the rooftop]
Costigan: Freeze!
[points gun at Colin]
Sullivan: Hey! Hey! Hey!
Costigan: Put your ****ing hands up!
Sullivan: Put the ****ing gun down! Put the gun--put the gun down, alright? I came here to talk some sense into you!
Costigan: Hands!
Sullivan: Alright! Just act professional. I can get you your money!
Costigan: What'd you say?
Sullivan: I can get you your money!
[Billy pistol whips Colin, knocking him to the ground]
Costigan: You didn't come here to talk, alright. You came here to get arrested!
Sullivan: You got ****ing tapes of what? Costello was 'my' informant. I was a rat? **** you! Prove it! He was working for me, he was 'my' informant.
Costigan: Shut your ****ing mouth. Come on, get up!
Sullivan: Whoa, what is this? A citizens arrest? Blow me! Alright. Only one of us is a cop here, Bill! You understand that, Bill! No one knows who you ****ing are!
Costigan: Would you shut the **** up?!
Sullivan: I'm a Sergeant in the Massachusetts State Police! Who the **** are you? I erased you!
[Billy slams Colin onto the building]
Costigan: You erased me, huh?
[Points his gun to Colin's head]
Sullivan: Yeah, go ahead! Shoot a cop, Einstein! Watch what happens!
Costigan: What would happen is this bullet would go right through your ****ing head!!
Sullivan: Watch what happens!
Costigan: What, so you can get the parade, huh? The bagpipes and bullshit. **** you, **** you! I'm ****ing arresting you!!
Sullivan: That is the stupidest thing you could do!
[Billy punches him three times]
Costigan: Shut the **** up!!!
[Sullivan falls to the ground]
Costigan: I could give a **** if the charges don't stick, I'm still ****ing arresting you.
Sullivan: [Dazed] Shit.

View Quote [Costello meets with Sullivan in a porn theater, surprising him with a dildo]
Sullivan: Frank? What the **** is wrong with you?
Costello: [laughing] See anything you like, Colin?
Sullivan: I almost ****ing shot you!
Costello: You're not indulging in self-abuse, are you? I hope you're not turning into one of them sob sisters who wants to get caught. You're not cracking up, are you?
Sullivan: I don't crack up.
Costello: Picking a place like this, where any cop can see you. Jesus.
Sullivan: If it was such a ****ing bad idea, why'd you show up?
Costello: [turning to face Sullivan] I own the place.
Sullivan: I'm not ****ing surprised.
Sullivan: Look, I gotta tell you...
Costello: You're getting re-assigned. I know.
Sullivan: How the **** do you know that?
Costello: Where'd they put you?
Sullivan: Hey Frank, I gotta find myself.
Costello: You're telling me, sonny boy.
Sullivan: I gotta find the guy you got in the department.
Costello: With everybody looking up their own ass, and you looking for yourself, I'd put my money on nobody finds nothing.
Sullivan: I know, but Frank - look, for me, you gotta lay low. Right now.
Costello: Colin, laying low is not what I do.
Sullivan: Okay, ****ing big daddy Frank. ****ing perfect. But what good am I to you if you don't listen to me?

View Quote [In a porn theater]
Sullivan: I can get the rat. You just gotta let me do it my way, Frank.
Costello: Okay.
[hands Sullivan "Citizens Trust" envelope]
Costello: But Colin - I hope I don't have to remind you that if you don't find that cheese-eating rat bastard in your department, most likely it won't be me who suffers for it.
Sullivan: Now why would you have to remind me of that? Would I be any good at what I do if I didn't ****ing already know that? Frank, you gotta trust me. Alright, just trust me Frank. Hey, it ****ing involves lying and I'm pretty ****ing good at that. Right?
Costello: Maybe because it's always been so easy for me to get ****, that I never understood jacking off in a theater.

View Quote [Upon learning the Police have found Delahunt's body and that he was a cop]
Fitzy: I don't believe it.
Mr. French: What can't you believe?
Fitzy: I spent all ****ing night dragging the poor bastard in there. Tell me how they find him so fast? Somebody walking a ****ing dog ? What ****ing size a dog is that? Has to be a big ****ing dog, man. I spent all night doing it man.
[pause, Frank stares at him]
Fitzy: I'm embarrassed. I still don't believe he was a cop, I don't believe it.
Costello: The COPS... are saying he's a cop... so I won't look for the cop. Are you soft, Fitz? When I tell you to dump a body in the marsh, you dump him in the marsh. Not where some guy from John Han**** goes every Thursday to get a ****ing blow job!
[Fitzy laughs, Frank hits him]
Costello: Don't laugh! This ain't Reality TV!

View Quote [Last words] Okay.

View Quote [to Costello] You accuse me once, I put up with it. You accuse me twice... I quit. You pressure me to fear for my life and I will put a ****ing bullet in your head as if you were anybody else. Okay?

View Quote [to Madolyn] If we're not gonna make it, it's gotta be you that gets out, cause I'm not capable. I'm ****ing Irish, I'll deal with something being wrong for the rest of my life.

View Quote [to Sullivan and others] This unit is new, and you are the newest members of it. You have been selected from the basis of intelligence and aptitude. This is an elite unit. Our job is to smash, or marginally disrupt, organized crime in the city by enhanced cooperation of the FBI, represented here today by Frank Lazio. And we will do it. By organized crime in the city, you know who we mean - that's Jackie Costigan, that's an old picture. Jackie met his demise. Last known photograph. Costello uses three key guys: that's Fitzy - off-the-boat psycho who lives with his mother in Brockton, who's straight out of "Going My Way." Delahunt - muscle. French - the number one. But of course the rock star - you know who. We've done briefing books, so read up. I want any and all ideas so I can pass them off as my own. Work hard, you'll rise fast. You're in the best possible position in the department. Let's go to work.

View Quote Don't laugh! This ain't reality TV!