Dumb and Dumber quotes

View Quote AH! Harry! Your hands are freezing!

View Quote [after accidentally killing a mobster in a restaurant] Check, please!

View Quote (pretends to promote Turbo Lax) 1/2 teaspoon, for fast, effective relief.

View Quote Joe: (sees a note on Harry and Lloyd's door) Those rat bas****. They're rubbin' it right in our faces.
Shay: Man! Andre'll have a goddamn hemorrage if we don't get that briefcase back!
Joe: They must've been followin' us for weeks.
Shay: Why ya say?
Joe: "Gas Man". How the hell do they know that I got gas?
Shay: They gotta be pros.
Joe: Don't worry. We're gonna get that money back. And I'll tell you somethin' else. They ain't never gettin' to Aspen. I'm gonna see to that!

View Quote Harry: I can't feel my hands anymore, Lloyd. T-th-they're numb!
Lloyd: Here, maybe you should wear these extra gloves... my hands are getting kinda sweaty!
Harry: Extra gloves? You've had...this pair...of extra gloves...this whole time?!?!
Lloyd: Yeah! We're in the Rockies!
Harry: I'm gonna kill you.
Lloyd: ...What?
Harry: I'm gonna KILL YOU!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU, LLOYD!
[Harry grabs Lloyd and starts strangling him]:
Lloyd: EEEK! HARRY! YOUR HANDS ARE FREEZING!

View Quote Cop: Pull over!
Harry: NO, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!
Lloyd: Yeah, killer boots, man!

View Quote Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling, Lloyd.
Lloyd: Uh, what is the Soup Du Jour?
Waitress: It's the Soup of the Day.
Lloyd: Mmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that.
Harry: How was your day?
Lloyd: Not bad, fell off the jetway again.
Harry: So you got fired again?
Lloyd: Yeah, they always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, ya know.
Harry: Yeah, I lost my job too.
Lloyd: Man, You are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken.
[after accidentally killing Mental with rat poison]
Harry:He blamed me...those were his last words. You heard him.
Lloyd: Not if you count the "gurgling" sound.
Lloyd: So, where ya headed?
Mary: Aspen
Lloyd: Mmm, California. Beautiful!
Lloyd: That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?"
Lady at bus stop: Austria.
Lloyd: Austria! Well, then. G'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barbie!
Lady at bus stop: Let's not.

View Quote We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets' heads are fallin' off!!

View Quote Life's a fragile thing Harry... One minute you're chewin on a burger, the next minute you're dead meat.

View Quote Harry! You're alive! And you're a horrible shot!

View Quote No way? Thats great! We landed on the moon!

View Quote Harry, I took care of it.

View Quote I got worms.

View Quote Mary, I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy!

View Quote So you're telling me there's a chance.