Fish Called Wanda, A quotes

View Quote (singing in the middle of sex) VOLARE!!!!

View Quote (to Ken at various times) Hello Honey!

View Quote Ken: Hey, I've lost my stutter. It's gone. I can speak. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood!
Wendy: Your father has gone completely mental.
Wendy: You can stick this marriage right in your bottom.
George: Unbe-****ing-lievable!

View Quote Wanda: Are you really Italian?
Otto: Absolutamente. Sì. My name is Otto. It means 'eight'.
Wanda: But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto, they just don't understand it! Let me correct you on a few things; Aristotle was not Belgian! The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself!" And the London Underground is not a political movement! Those are all mistakes. I looked them up.
Ken: Otto tried to k-k-k-kiss me.
Wanda: I thought he might.
Wanda: I'm sorry about my brother, Ken. I know he's insensitive. He's had a hard life. Dad used to beat him up.
Ken: Good.
Otto: You know your problem? You don't like winners.
Archie: Winners?
Otto: Yeah, winners.
Archie: Winners, like North Vietnam?
Otto: Shut up. We didn't lose Vietnam. It was a tie.
Archie: [Cowboy-like drawl] I'm tellin' you, baby, they kicked your little ass there. Boy, they whooped yer hide real good!
Otto: No they didn't.
Archie: Oh Yes they did.
Otto: Oh no they... SHUT UP! Goodbye Archie.
Archie: Gonna shoot me Otto?
Otto: Er Yes. Yes friad so old chap sorry.
[Otto dangling Archie out of a window]
Archie: All right, all right, I apologize.
Otto: You're really sorry?
Archie: I'm really really sorry. I apologize unreservedly.
Otto: You take it back?
Archie: I do. I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.
Otto: OK.
Otto: You really like animals, don't you Ken? What's the attraction?
Ken: Because you can t-t-trust them, and they don't sh-sh-sh...
Otto: Shit on you?
Ken: Show off all the time.
Wanda: And when he heard your daughter's name was Portia...
Archie: Yes?
Wanda: He said, why did they name her after a car?
Ken: There's something f-f-funny going on.
Otto: Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. You don't even know why you're excited.
Ken: I saw...
Otto: Ken, Ken, Ken! I didn't wanna say anything with George here, but isn't it time you faced reality? Come on! You're a very attractive man, Ken. You're smart. You've got wonderful bones, great eyes, and you dress really interestingly.
Ken: Wh-what...
Otto: We could have fun together, you and I. And I think we'd be really good for each other. What do you say?
Ken: You must be j-j-j...
Otto: May I kiss you?
Ken: No, you ****ing can't!
Otto: Just a peck! No tongue! Ken!
Ken: No!
Otto: Guess I'll have to ask you an easy one, eh, Ken? OK. Um... Let me think, let me think. Um... Where are the diamonds? I'll give you a clue. Somewhere around the airport.
Ken: I'm n-n-n...
Otto: No hassle. There's plenty of time. I'll just sit here and eat my chips till you tell me. The English contribution to world cuisine: the chip. What do the English usually eat with chips to make them more interesting? Wait a moment! It's fish. Isn't it? [Dipping into the fish tank with a net] Oh! Here, boy. Down the hatch. [Eats the fish] Delicious!
Ken: You b-b-b...
Otto: Better eat the green one? OK. What's this one's name? Well, not Wanda, anyway. I'm going to call her Lunch. Hello, Lunch. Hello! [Eats the fish] Ew! Avoid the green ones - not ripe yet.
Wanda: Shut up and think. Where's he moved it?
Otto: [Fires his gun into the empty safe]
Wanda: What are you doing?
Otto: I'm thinking!
Otto: When you say "friendly", what are we talking about here? Cordial? Courteous? Supportive? What?
Wanda: I don't know. Let's just see what happens.
Otto: So, "friendly" might include actual, uh, what? Penetration?
Archie: [Puts the gun in Otto's back and pushes him to the wall]
Otto: OK, OK, OK, OK. Don't get excited. OK, OK, OK. Oh, it's you! I was actually worried there.
Archie: Keep your hands up.
Otto: No!
Archie: Put 'em up!
Otto: I'll make a deal with you. I'll put one up.
Archie: Put the other one up!
Otto: Which looks better?
Archie: I'm warning you, Otto.
Otto: What are you gonna do? Shoot me? Gun me down in cold blood like a dog? Hey! If you wanna settle something with me, why don't you fight me? You're a man, aren't you? Let's fight like men! Come on!
Archie:How come a girl as smart as you has a brother who's so...
Otto:Don't call me stupid.
Wendy:Goodnight Archie, GOODNIGHT ARCHIE!
Archie:Goodnight Wanda.

View Quote A pound says you won't kill her.

View Quote Are you thinking or are you mid-stutter?

View Quote Asshole!

View Quote Come on Wanda. Gullet time.

View Quote Disappointed!

View Quote Even if you were my brother, I'd still want to **** you.

View Quote Excuse me sir. Airport security can I see your passport please, and boarding card... Oh look the Queen. (Man turns to look Otto knocks him out)

View Quote Hello K-K-K-Ken's P-P-P-Pet's. Hey wake up, WAKE UP LIMEY FISH!!!

View Quote Hey! Great fish! A little squeeze of lemon, some tartar sauce - perfect!

View Quote I don't believe in jealousy. It's for the weak. One thing, though. Touch his dick and he's dead!

View Quote I had a good friend in the CIA, had a stutter. Cost him his life, damn it.