The Girl Next Door quotes

View Quote Eli: Dude, don't mess this up.
Matthew: Mess what up?
Eli: Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!
Matthew: Eli, I like this girl.
Eli: And you can still like her with your penis inside her. Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew: Eli, you're never going to see her again.
Eli: Oh, you know what? Fine!
Matthew: Fine!
Eli: Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't **** her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! **** her for me! For me!

View Quote Eli: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Klitz: A tripod?
Eli: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs, WE-ALL-FALL!

View Quote Ferrari: I know I lost my virginity at prom. How about you? When did you lose your virginity?
April: When I was ten.
Ferrari: Okay, moving on...

View Quote Film School Student: Why'd you decide to skip film school? Don't you think you're a little young?
Eli: Dude, this suit costs more than your mom's car. Next quest-
Film School Student: You didn't answer m-
Eli: SHUT THE **** UP! Next question.

View Quote Kelly: Hey, you know who's got the killer bud?
[hits Klitz]
Kelly: This ****er right here.
[Kelly gives Klitz a Ziplock bag filled with Marijuana and suddenly the girls are interested in him]
Kelly: You wanna be president? Lemme tell you the first rule of politics; Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze. You know what that means? It means you don't steal my girl unless you're ready to accept the consequences.

View Quote Kelly: Sometimes in life if you wanna do something good, you gotta do something bad.
Matthew: Yeah, but this is breaking and entering.
Kelly: This is politics.

View Quote Matthew: Why are you doing this?
Danielle: What?
Matthew: This.
Danielle: Isn't that what you want? A porn star in a cheap motel? So this is what you really think of me.

View Quote Matthew: Why didn't you just tell me?
Danielle: Because I didn't want to! Because I loved the way you looked at me. You don't understand how hard...
[walks away]
Matthew: Wait!
Danielle: [shouts] **** you.

View Quote Mr. Peterson: [while both recieving lap dances] So, what was the scholarship for?
Matthew: Moral fiber.

View Quote Mrs. Kidman: [referring to Eli & Klitz's porn star dates] Eli, do those girls go to your school?
Eli: Actually, no, Mrs. Kidman, they're porn stars.
[Mrs. Kidman laughs dismisingly]

View Quote [during watching porn movie]
Klitz: - Dude, I'm kind of uncomfortable watching this with you.
Eli: Shh... Dude, learn to like it.

View Quote [repeated line]
Matthew: It's not funny.
Danielle: It's a little funny.

View Quote [Upon observing the cheerleaders and football players] Man, there is some talent here. You get those girls together with those assbags right there and shoot 'em humping at, like, a football game or at a prom, that video would sell - ****, I'm good! How do I get these ideas? It's like a gift, you know? It's like I can't control it.

View Quote [When some high school girls like the idea that Kelly has weed]