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Harold: I am so hungry. I'm gonna eat, like, 20 of those burgers, man.
Kumar: Dude, ****in' I will see your 20 burgers and raise you 5 orders of fries.
Kumar: Dude, ****in' I will see your 20 burgers and raise you 5 orders of fries.
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Harold: I want 30 sliders, 5 french fries, and 4 large Cherry Cokes.
Kumar: I want the same, except make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck.
Kumar: I want the same, except make mine Diet Cokes, Chuck.
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Harold: I want that.
Kumar: What? A Hot Dog Heaven super chili cheese dog?
Harold: No. I want that feeling. The feeling that comes over a man when he gets exactly what he desires. I need that feeling.
Kumar: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Harold: We gotta go to White Castle.
Kumar: Yes! Yes! I knew you had it in you dude!
Kumar: What? A Hot Dog Heaven super chili cheese dog?
Harold: No. I want that feeling. The feeling that comes over a man when he gets exactly what he desires. I need that feeling.
Kumar: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Harold: We gotta go to White Castle.
Kumar: Yes! Yes! I knew you had it in you dude!
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Harold: Neil, you wouldn't happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?
Harris: Dude, I don't even know where the **** I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible "X"--next thing I know I'm being thrown out of a moving car. I've been trippin' balls ever since.
Kumar: That's crazy, dude. We've been having a pretty crazy, night, too. We've just been driving around looking for White Castle but we keep getting sidetracked.
Harris: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget White Castle, let's go get some pussy.
Harold: Huh?
Harris: It's a ****ing sausage fest in here, bros. Let's get some poon-tang. Then we'll go to White Castle.
Kumar: No, Neil, you don't understand. We've been craving these burgers all night.
Harris: Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too--fur burgers. Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers. [sings] Lap-dance.
Kumar: [pause] There's a gas station. I'm gonna see if I can get some directions.
Harris: You don't need dir--gah. Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I'm losing wood.
[they park, pause]
Harris: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.
Kumar: Look, chill.
Harold: We'll be right back, Neil.
[they exit the car]
Harold: Dude, what's the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?
Harris: Dude, I don't even know where the **** I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible "X"--next thing I know I'm being thrown out of a moving car. I've been trippin' balls ever since.
Kumar: That's crazy, dude. We've been having a pretty crazy, night, too. We've just been driving around looking for White Castle but we keep getting sidetracked.
Harris: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget White Castle, let's go get some pussy.
Harold: Huh?
Harris: It's a ****ing sausage fest in here, bros. Let's get some poon-tang. Then we'll go to White Castle.
Kumar: No, Neil, you don't understand. We've been craving these burgers all night.
Harris: Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too--fur burgers. Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers. [sings] Lap-dance.
Kumar: [pause] There's a gas station. I'm gonna see if I can get some directions.
Harris: You don't need dir--gah. Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I'm losing wood.
[they park, pause]
Harris: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.
Kumar: Look, chill.
Harold: We'll be right back, Neil.
[they exit the car]
Harold: Dude, what's the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?
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Harold: The universe tends to unfold as it should.
Kumar: What is that? Some fortune cookie?
Kumar: What is that? Some fortune cookie?
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Kumar: [in surgery] Hang on a second, nurse. What we should probably use is marijuana. That'll sufficiently sedate the patient for surgery.
Nurse: Marijuana? But why?
Kumar: We don't have time for questions. We need marijuana now, as much of it as possible! Like a big bag of it.
Nurse: But, doctor, we don't have marijuana in this hospital.
Nurse: Marijuana? But why?
Kumar: We don't have time for questions. We need marijuana now, as much of it as possible! Like a big bag of it.
Nurse: But, doctor, we don't have marijuana in this hospital.
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Kumar: [sniffs] Hey, what's that smell?
Harold: What smell? Kumar.
Kumar: [starts sniffing like a crazed bloodhound, and then sees a huge bag of marijuana, his eyes widen]
Harold: Hey Kumar! Kumar! Where are you--?
[Kumar rushes to the bag of marijuana]
Harold: Kumar! Still in jail, asshole! Come here!
Harold: What smell? Kumar.
Kumar: [starts sniffing like a crazed bloodhound, and then sees a huge bag of marijuana, his eyes widen]
Harold: Hey Kumar! Kumar! Where are you--?
[Kumar rushes to the bag of marijuana]
Harold: Kumar! Still in jail, asshole! Come here!
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Kumar: [whispers] Dude, look at that boil on his neck, it's pulsating!
Harold: [whispers] Shut up, dude. He probably heard what you just said.
Kumar: No, he can't. Look at it now! Pus is coming out!
Harold: [looks at Freakshow's neck] Ugh!
Kumar: Isn't that the sickest thing you've ever seen?
Harold: Just shut up! He's right next to me. He can hear me talking to you He probably heard this whole conversation!
Kumar: No, he didn't. He can't hear anything with all that crust in his ear.
[long awkward pause]
Freakshow: [low voice] I heard everything you said.
[Later, at Freakshow's house]
Freakshow: It's gonna take me awhile to fix your car...so if you want, you can go inside, get something to drink, wash up, **** my wife, watch TV, anything you want. Mi casa es su casa. Just don't do anything the Good Lord wouldn't do.
Harold: [whispers] Shut up, dude. He probably heard what you just said.
Kumar: No, he can't. Look at it now! Pus is coming out!
Harold: [looks at Freakshow's neck] Ugh!
Kumar: Isn't that the sickest thing you've ever seen?
Harold: Just shut up! He's right next to me. He can hear me talking to you He probably heard this whole conversation!
Kumar: No, he didn't. He can't hear anything with all that crust in his ear.
[long awkward pause]
Freakshow: [low voice] I heard everything you said.
[Later, at Freakshow's house]
Freakshow: It's gonna take me awhile to fix your car...so if you want, you can go inside, get something to drink, wash up, **** my wife, watch TV, anything you want. Mi casa es su casa. Just don't do anything the Good Lord wouldn't do.
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Kumar: Do you know what the hell we had to go through after you took the car?
Harris: Yeah, it was a dick move on my part. That's why I'm paying for your meal. [looks down to count money, lowers voice] Prick.
Harris: Yeah, it was a dick move on my part. That's why I'm paying for your meal. [looks down to count money, lowers voice] Prick.
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Kumar: How were Katie Holmes' tits?
Goldstein: You know the Holocaust?
Kumar: Yeah?
Goldstein: Picture the opposite of that.
Kumar: Nice!
Goldstein: You know the Holocaust?
Kumar: Yeah?
Goldstein: Picture the opposite of that.
Kumar: Nice!
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Kumar: I can't believe you were gonna ditch for the Joy Luck Club, dude. You know what their parties are like.
Harold: C'mon, what did you want me to say? I was under pressure.
Kumar: Just say no. That's all it takes.
Kumar: Here.
[hands Harold the joint]
Kumar: Take a hit of that.
Harold: C'mon, what did you want me to say? I was under pressure.
Kumar: Just say no. That's all it takes.
Kumar: Here.
[hands Harold the joint]
Kumar: Take a hit of that.
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Kumar: I forgot my cell phone.
Harold: You wanna run back and get it?
[both turn and look at their front door 20 feet from them]
Kumar: No, we've gone too far.
Harold: You wanna run back and get it?
[both turn and look at their front door 20 feet from them]
Kumar: No, we've gone too far.
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Kumar: Now we're in Newark, of all places. You know we're gonna get shot.
Harold: Maybe it's not as bad as they say. Maybe it's just a bunch of hype.
Kumar: Check it out. Those guys look like a lame version of us.
[two guys get jumped and beaten with a 2x4 and other weapons]
Harold, Kumar: Holy shit!
[assailants stop beating up the two guys, look up and pause, then continue with the assaults while the two men lay on the ground moaning]
Harold: Let's get the **** outta here. Go! Go! Drive! Drive!
Kumar: Yeah, that was your fault.
Harold: **** you.
Kumar: **** you.
Harold: Maybe it's not as bad as they say. Maybe it's just a bunch of hype.
Kumar: Check it out. Those guys look like a lame version of us.
[two guys get jumped and beaten with a 2x4 and other weapons]
Harold, Kumar: Holy shit!
[assailants stop beating up the two guys, look up and pause, then continue with the assaults while the two men lay on the ground moaning]
Harold: Let's get the **** outta here. Go! Go! Drive! Drive!
Kumar: Yeah, that was your fault.
Harold: **** you.
Kumar: **** you.
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Kumar: So where you going to go now, Neil?
Harris: [puts on sunglasses] Wherever God takes me.
[he sets off]
About Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle[edit]
Harris: [puts on sunglasses] Wherever God takes me.
[he sets off]
About Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle[edit]