Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle quotes

View Quote Martone: [notices the jail door keys in the jail door, and Tarik Jackson sitting inside the cell reading a book] Hey! Jackson's trying to escape!
Tarik: What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here.
Reilly: He's trying to break free! Get him!
Tarik: Aw, shit.
[he gets up as the cops hold him to the wall; Tarik still holds his book in hand]
Martone: Don't move. Stop resisting! We need back up now! He's got a gun!
Tarik: That's not a gun, that's a book.
Reilly: Secure the book!
Palumbo: Book is secure. You bring this filth in here? What is this shit?!

View Quote Palumbo: What kind of name is that anyhow? Kumar? What is that 5 o's or 2 u's?
Kumar: No, it's actually one "u".
Palumbo: Yeah, bullshit.

View Quote Rosenberg: I think Kumar's a "fay-gele".
Goldstein: Oh, they're totally gay for each other.
Rosenberg: Hey, you wanna suck on this?
[offers Goldstein a marijuana smoking device]
Goldstein: Uh-huh. Mmm.

View Quote Sports Punk #1: Dude, that was so not extreme.
Cole: I know, Extreme Sports Punk Number One... I know.

View Quote [after Harold has been placed in a cell with Tarik Jackson]
Harold: So, what are you in here for?
Tarik: For bein' black.
Harold: Seriously?
Tarik: I am serious. Wanna know what happened?
[Harold nods]
Tarik: I was walkin' out of a Barnes and Noble, and the cop stops me. Now, evidently, a black guy robbed a store in Newark. I told him, "I haven't even been to Newark in months". So he starts beatin' me with his gun, telling me to stop resisting arrest.
Harold: Holy shit. What'd you do?
Tarik: I kept sayin': "I understand I'm under arrest. Now, please stop beatin' me!".
Harold: I don't understand how you can be so calm about all this.
Tarik: Look at me. I'm fat, black, can't dance, and I have 2 gay fathers. People have been messin' with me my whole life. I learned a long time ago that there's no sense gettin' all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should. Plus, I have a really large penis. That keeps me happy.

View Quote [cops left moments earlier to check out a shooting in Millbrook Park]
Kumar: [from inside a heating duct at the police station, where Harold is in jail] Rold? Is that you?
Harold: Kumar?
Kumar: Hey, are the cops still here?
Harold: What the hell are you doing?
Kumar: I just called and made up some story about a shooting in Millbrook Park.
Harold: Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for?
Kumar: I'm ****ing starving. I figured I'd bust you out and we'd go get some burgers.

View Quote [Kumar is licking Harold to wake him up]
Harold: What the hell are you doing?! God!
Kumar: Well, you were out cold, I figured if I started doing some gay shit you'd wake up.
Harold: Didn't we come here on a cheetah? Where's the cheetah?
Kumar: It ran away. Listen, I got some bad news and some worse news.
Harold: Okay, give me the worse news first.
Kumar: I was looking at some of the roadsigns, and it looks like the cheetah took us in a completely different direction.
Harold: What's the bad news?
Kumar: Your laptop's completely destroyed.
Harold: [shouts] What? How is that not the worse news!?
Kumar: [calmly] Well, the laptop situation really only affects you, where as the White Castle situation affects us both equally.

View Quote [about to ride cheetah] This is either a really smart move or by far the stupidest thing that we have ever tried.

View Quote [last line before the credits] Hey, Roldy, you do realize what's legal in Amsterdam, don't you?

View Quote [to Harold, about Cindy] So she's kinda ****ing cute. Let her touch your penis.

View Quote [to Maria in elevator, after seeing luggage at her feet] Sure got a lotta baggage.

View Quote Did Doogie Howser just steal my ****ing car?