Juno MacGuff quotes ... Movie Quotes Database

View Quote Silencio, old man. Look, I drank my weight in Sunny D and I gotta go pronto.

View Quote Hold on — I'm on my hamburger phone.

View Quote I'm going to go to Women Now, because they help women now.

View Quote It started with a chair.

View Quote It ended with a chair.

View Quote When I see them all running like that, with their things bouncing around in their shorts, I always picture them naked, even if I don't want to. All I see are pork swords.

View Quote I think I'm just going to nip it in the bud, you know, before it gets worse. 'Cause you know, they say pregnancy can often lead to, you know — an infant.

View Quote Hi, I'm calling to procure a hasty abortion...

View Quote I don't know, I just wanted something a little more edgier. I was thinking more like graphic designer, mid-thirties, you know? With a cool Asian girlfriend, who, like dresses awesome and rocks out on the bass guitar. But I don't want to be too particular.

View Quote Bleeker is actually great in...in chair.

View Quote My dad used to be in the Army, but now he's just your average H-VAC specialist. He and my mom got divorced when I was five and now she lives on a Havasu reservation in Arizona with her new husband and three replacement kids. Oh, and she inexplicably mails me a cactus every Valentine's Day. And I'm like, "Thanks a heap, Coyote Ugly, this cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment."

View Quote That's my stepmom, Bren. She's completely obsessed with dogs, owns a nail salon, and always smells like methyl methacrylate.

View Quote You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.

View Quote Yeah, I'm a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale.

View Quote You should try talking to it. 'Cause, like, supposedly they can hear you even though it's all, like, ten thousand leagues under the sea.

View Quote As far as boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni.

View Quote My axe is named Roosevelt. After Franklin, not Ted. Franklin was the hot one with the polio.

View Quote Yeah, you just take Soupy Sales to prom. I can think of so many cooler things to do that night. Like, you know what Bleek? I might pumice my feet, uh, I might go to Bren's dumb Unitarian Church, maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice, you know? 'Cause all those things would be exponentially cooler than going to prom with you!

View Quote I never realize how much I like being home unless I've been somewhere really different for a while.

View Quote The funny thing is that Steve Rendazo secretly wants me. Jocks like him always want freaky girls. Girls with horn-rimmed glasses and vegan footwear and Goth makeup. Girls who play the cello and wear Converse All-Stars and want to be children’s librarians when they grow up. Oh yeah, jocks totally eat that shit up. They just won’t admit it because they’re supposed to be into perfect cheerleaders like Leah, who, incidentally, is into teachers.

View Quote Yes, hello? I need to procure a hasty abortion?... What was that? I’m sorry, I’m on my hamburger phone. It’s kind of awkward to talk on. It’s really more of a novelty than a functional appliance.

View Quote My stepmom, Bren, makes me eat super healthy, you know? I can't stand in front of the microwave, and no red M&Ms. I hope you're ready.

View Quote [to a barking dog] Jeez, Bananas, shut your freakin' gob, OK?

View Quote This is the most magnificent discarded living room set I've ever seen.

View Quote WOAH, dream big!

View Quote Bren, use a dick! I love it!

View Quote Get a whiff of those sparkling topnotes!

View Quote What is with you rich people and your herb-infused juices?

View Quote Excuse me? I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.