Kicking & Screaming (2005) quotes

View Quote Phil Weston: Every time you say something back to me, it makes me love you more!
Buck Weston: Heh.

View Quote Phil Weston: Hey, I almost had you!
'Buck Weston: What do you call that again, when you almost win? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... Losing!

View Quote Phil Weston: I was born a baby, a blank slate. I thought I was in control of my own destiny, and then I met my dad.

View Quote Phil Weston: Ok, you caught me. The finches were a bad idea. And I wasn't gonna say anything, but I think some of them may have salmonella. A fair amount, in fact. I may have inadvertently poisoned your children.

View Quote Phil Weston: Pizza at my house!

View Quote Phil Weston: So when i took over for coach Benson...
Clark: [interrupting] I hear he's a woman now!
Party Guests: [laughter]
Buck Weston: Oooh.
Phil Weston: Actually uh, truth be told, *no one* knows where he is right now. A lot of people are... concerned.
Party Guests: [laughter]
Phil Weston: I don't know *why* that's funny.
Party Guests: [applause]

View Quote Phil Weston: This is Gian Piero and Massimo. They're apprentice butchers.
Mark Avery: Could the blacksmiths and candlestick makers not make it?
Mike Ditka: Shut up!

View Quote Phil Weston: What is that haunting aroma?

View Quote Phil Weston: You don't think? Ya don't think? Well, I don't think you should be buttin' in when I'm talkin' to my team. You're my assistant, OK? You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes when I tell ya. Now go get me a juicebox.
Mike Ditka: YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKIN' TO?
Phil Weston: I'm talkin' to the juicebox guy.
Mike Ditka: You're crazy!
Phil Weston: I'm not crazy, I'm just thirsty.
Mike Ditka: WELL, YOU GO TO HELL!
Phil Weston: No, you go to hell, and while you're there, why don't you grab me a juicebox!
Mike Ditka: I'M NO JUICEBOX BOY, I'LL TELL YOU THAT!
Phil Weston: Yes, you are!
Mike Ditka: No, I'm not!
Phil Weston: Yes, you are!
Mike Ditka: No, I'm not!
Phil Weston: Yes, you are!
Mike Ditka: No, I'm not! You're like your old man!
Phil Weston: I'M NOT LIKE MY OLD MAN!
Mike Ditka: If it weren't for these kids, I would whip your butt!
Phil Weston: I CAN TAKE A PUNCH!

View Quote Phil Weston: [Byong Sun uses a drinking cup to make popping noises] 'Scuse me... just... don't do that with the cup, okay?
[Byong Sun momentarily stops, embarrassed]

View Quote Phil Weston: [on park pay phone with Umberto] I'm really getting sick and tired of this 'Meat Comes First' thing!
Party Guests: [singing] Happy Birthday to you! Happy...
Phil Weston: Quiet please! Shut up! I'm on the phone and you're not the only ones in the park!

View Quote Phil Weston: [passing out DVDs] These are instructional DVDs. Study them. Watch them. I only watched it once and already I learned this - it's called "Up and Over".
[he shows them this new kick, nearly wrecking the fireplace]
Phil Weston: [hears Barbara coming and passes the ball to Mark Avery] Here, hold this.
Barbara Weston: Guys, I told you, no playing soccer in the house.
Phil Weston: You did, you said it a lot.
Barbara Weston: Who did that?
Phil Weston: [pointing to Mark] He did.
The Tigers: HE DID!
Phil Weston: What? Nut'uh!
[the kids all descend upon him]

View Quote Phil Weston: [Phil to Mark] How many sarcastic pills did you take this morning?

View Quote Phil Weston: [to Gian Piero and Massimo] Take the field. Taka the fielda.

View Quote Sam Weston: How do you say pizza in Italian?
Gian Piero: Pizza!
Sam Weston: How do you say "spaghetti"?
Gian Piero: Spaghetti!
Ambrose: Italian's easy.