Knocked Up quotes

78 total quotes

Allison Scott
Ben Stone
Debbie
Doorman
Fantasy Baseball Guy

Jason
Jay
Jonah
Martin
Pete

View Quote Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?

View Quote Hey, Jay, do you use that Canadian leaf tattoo as like a **** target? How many points do you get for hitting the stem, like a million?

View Quote How did it feel changing your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?

View Quote I always aim right.

View Quote I can't be letting your old ass in here. Why don't you go do some yoga and shit.

View Quote I could smoke weed, every second, of everyday.

View Quote I farted on Jason's pillow, he farted on Jonah's thinking it was mine, and eventually pink-eyed my pillow. I'm not proud of any of this.

View Quote I know. You’re right. I'm so sorry. I ****in' hate this job. I don't wanna be the one to pass judgement, decide who gets in. Shit makes me sick to my stomach, I get the runs from the stress. It's not cause you're not hot, I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can't let you in cause you're old as ****. For this club, you know, not for the earth.

View Quote I think it's Matisyahu.

View Quote I went where I went Jason!

View Quote I will **** my bong. Doggy-style, for once. (gives Alison the middle finger as he walks out of the OB/GYN office)

View Quote I'll see you later. (to Alison at the first bar encounter) No I won't, 'cause I'm a pussy.

View Quote I'm going to murderball you!

View Quote I'm gonna thrown you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88.

View Quote I'm not having SHIT right now besides a ****ing panic attack!