Tom quotes

View Quote There's no money, there's no weed. It's all been replaced by a pile of corpses.

View Quote They're lacking in a criminal credibility, ain't they? I might get laughed at.

View Quote Listen to this one: You open a company called the Arse Tickler's ****s Fan Club. You take out an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, you sell it with, I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", "the latest and greatest in sexual technology", "guaranteed results or your money back", all that bollocks. Now these dils cost twenty-five quid a pop - as a snip for the amount of pleasure they're gonna give the recipients. But they send their cheques to the other company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five quid. You take that twenty-five quid, you stick it in the bank until it clears. Now this is the smart bit - you send back the cheque for twenty-five pound from the other company name, "Arse Tickler's ****s Fan Club", saying we're sorry, we couldn't get the supplies from America because they ran out of stock. Now you see how many people cash that cheque - not a single soul, because who wants their bank manager to know they tickle arse when they're not paying cheques?

View Quote It's a deal, it's a steal, it's a sale of the ****ing century! In fact, **** it, Nick, I think I'll keep it.