Mallrats quotes

View Quote Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega.

View Quote How is it that I go from the verge of hot Floridian sex with Brandi to Man of Steel coital debates with you in the food court?

View Quote I love the smell of commerce in the morning.

View Quote Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent--I don't care which one--but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!

View Quote Most of the time I'm just talking out of my ass, or sticking my hand in it.

View Quote One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So I run into him a week later at the mall and he was buying another cat! And I said to him, "Jesus, Walt, what are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass, too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.

View Quote Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel? They're a little melty, but damn, are they exquisite.

View Quote Silent Bob here's an electrical genius. He won the science fair in eighth grade by turning his mom's vibrator into a CD player using some chicken wire and shit. The mother****er's like MacGyver--no, the mother****er's better than MacGyver.

View Quote That guy's faster than Walt Flanigan's Dog!

View Quote That's criminal. [shouts] That kid is back on the escalator again!

View Quote What you need is a fatty-boom-batty blunt, and I guarantee you'll be seeing a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of those big-titted mermaids doing some of that lesbian shit. Look at me, look at me, you sloppy bitch!

View Quote Why don't they ever bring back or remake good shows, like "BJ and the Bear"? Now there's a concept I can't get enough of, a man and his monkey.

View Quote Women, always leaving you after you've had the crap kicked out of you.

View Quote You ****ers think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some shit?

View Quote You want me to rub it?