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Hasta la vista, you little rat bastard!
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[as Ernie blasts the house apart with a shotgun] Are you crazy? You're blowing the whole house up! The only thing you haven't hit so far is the mouse! Why don't you give someone else a chance with that gun? [Ernie levels the shotgun at him, and Lars immediately relents] You're doing a wonderful job.
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[Doing taste tests with the mouse] Here you go, knock yourself out. [The mouse takes a bite of the string cheese and throws it down] No good, huh? Otis, more curry! [He gives him the next string cheese] Okay, try this one. [He eats it all up] Eh? It's mozzarella and herring. You can taste the herring, right? I've also got a great idea for a caviar-brie swirl and a peanut butter and jelly-provolone for the kids. But I really want to talk about marketing. You should be our spokesperson. I know some people who have used a mouse as a spokesperson and it seemed to work out pretty well...
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[explaining to Ernie how April apologized to him] She just showed up at the factory, took off her coat, and begged me to take her. We made love in a way that I've only ever seen in nature films.
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[holding a tiny box, addressed to Fidel Castro in Havana, Cuba] Aw... I forgot to put holes in the box! [He chuckles evilly]
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[Lars points to the hole on the floor] Look! You blew a hole in the floor!
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[quoting his father] A world without string... is chaos!
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[Upon seeing the box, returned for insufficient postage] I told you, you should have weighed him.
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[when Lars accidentally hits Ernie with a broom] What are you doing, ya stupid nitwit?!
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[when Lars accidentally smacks Ernie's hand with a hammer] Are you trying to kill me?!
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Christmas isn't about complaining over what we don't have. We should be thankful for what we do have.
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I don't think we're dealing with an ordinary mouse.
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No capers? But that's just grilled cheese. What's the point? Why don't they eat out of a trough? [He rings a counter-bell, looking around at the diner's customers] Alright! Which one of you palateless sheep sent my sandwich back?
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Pop's lucky string! That son of a bitch ate it!
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Yeah, I was on top once, too. And there's only one way to go from there, and that's down, baby! Down!