National Lampoon's Vacation quotes

67 total quotes

Clark Griswold
Multiple Characters
Roy Walley

View Quote Clark: [Delivering the eulogy for Aunt Edna] O God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great dispair. Yea, admit this kind and decent woman into thy arms of thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he lay us upon the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you: give her a break.
Ellen: Clark...
Clark:[ignoring her] Baruuuuuuch Ataaaaaaah Aluuuuuuuyah...
Ellen: Clark, this is a serious matter, I'll do it myself!
Clark: Honey, I'm not an ordained minister; I'm doing my best.

View Quote Clark: [looking at raw tomato paste] Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best!

View Quote Clark: [talking about Aunt Edna] She can't weigh more than 100 pounds.
Ellen: Oh, no. You can't just put her on the roof.
Audrey: Yes, he can!
Clark: You want me to strap her to the hood? She'll be fine. It's not as if it's going to rain or something.
[thunder rumbles]

View Quote Clark: Could I do your back, honey?
Ellen: I've already done my back.
Clark: Could I do your front?
Ellen: Go do your own front.

View Quote Clark: Despite all the little problems it's fun isn't it?
Ellen: No. But with every new day there's fresh hope.

View Quote Clark: Ed, this is not the car I ordered. I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue Super Sports Wagon with C.B. and optional rally fun pack.
Car Salesman: You didn't order the Metallic Pea?

View Quote Clark: Excuse me, could you please tell me how to get back on the express way?
Pimp: **** yo mama!
Clark: Thank you very much.

View Quote Clark: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.
Ellen: Oh spare me, Clark, I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!

View Quote Clark: Roy; can I call you Roy? Have you even driven your whole family cross-country?
Roy Walley: Oh, hell yes. Once I drove all of them to Florida. The smell coming out of the back seat was terrible.
Clark: I know that smell, Roy; but what if you had driven all that way and Florida was closed?
Roy Walley: Closed? Uh, they don't close Florida.
...
Clark: I just want you to ask yourself one thing. If you were... if you were me, wouldn't you do the same thing for your children?
Roy Walley: No.

View Quote Clark: Russ, it's really great that I can spend time with you and... uh... uh... uh...
Rusty: Audrey, Dad.

View Quote Clark: So, this is the old homestead, eh?
Cousin Eddie: Yeah. I don't know for how much longer, though. The banks been after me like flies on a rib roast.

View Quote Clark: We're from out of town.
Man Giving Directions: No shit.

View Quote Cousin Eddie: Edna! Helper's on!
Clark: [to Ellen] Is that your Aunt Edna?
[Ellen slinks away from the table]

View Quote Cousin Eddie: Hey Clark, you look like you could use a cold one.
Clark: Now you're talking!
[Eddie hands Clark his opened beer he'd been drinking, gets a fresh one for himself]

View Quote Cousin Eddie: How do you like yours, Clark?
Clark: Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.
Cousin Eddie: No, I mean your bun.