National Lampoon's Vacation quotes
67 total quotesClark Griswold
Multiple Characters
Roy Walley
View Quote
Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?
Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.
Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.
View Quote
Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey: So, everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
Audrey: So, everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
View Quote
Ellen: [after the bartender shoots at Clark] Clark, I don't think that was funny. A loud noise like that could damage the kids' hearing.
Clark: C'mon, Ellen. It looked real. Hell - I thought it was a real gun. Didn't you think it was real, honey?
Audrey: What?
Clark: I said didn't you think it was real?
Audrey: What?
Ellen: Oh are you happy now Clark? She's deaf.
Clark: Oh what the hell - it was fun anyway.
Clark: C'mon, Ellen. It looked real. Hell - I thought it was a real gun. Didn't you think it was real, honey?
Audrey: What?
Clark: I said didn't you think it was real?
Audrey: What?
Ellen: Oh are you happy now Clark? She's deaf.
Clark: Oh what the hell - it was fun anyway.
View Quote
Ellen: [looking at the dead Aunt Edna in the back seat] She must have passed away somewhere near Flagstaff. What are we going to do Clark?
Clark: Well, I guess we could leave her here and maybe the first phone we pass, we could call Cousin Normie and he could come and get her I guess.
Ellen: That is the meanest, coldest...
Clark: Well, what do you want me to do? Call Federal Express?
Audrey: Mom, we don't have to ride with a dead person, do we? Please say we don't!
Rusty: Yeah, come on. It'll be real easy for Normie to find Aunt Edna. All he has to do is look for the buzzards.
Clark: Well, I guess we could leave her here and maybe the first phone we pass, we could call Cousin Normie and he could come and get her I guess.
Ellen: That is the meanest, coldest...
Clark: Well, what do you want me to do? Call Federal Express?
Audrey: Mom, we don't have to ride with a dead person, do we? Please say we don't!
Rusty: Yeah, come on. It'll be real easy for Normie to find Aunt Edna. All he has to do is look for the buzzards.
View Quote
Ellen: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
Clark: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins it's okay by me. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.
Clark: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins it's okay by me. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.
View Quote
Ellen: Don't just blurt it out to Normie about Edna dying.
Clark: How about I ask him to play 20 Questions?
[Clark knocks on the front door of Normie's house and rings the doorbell, but no anwser]
Clark: Oh, for Christ sakes he isn't home.
Ellen: Maybe the neighbors know where he is.
Clark: The moron knows we're coming and he isn't home.
Ellen: Normie's always been flakey.
Clark: He's always been a jag-off.
Ellen: Watch your mouth!
Clark: How about I ask him to play 20 Questions?
[Clark knocks on the front door of Normie's house and rings the doorbell, but no anwser]
Clark: Oh, for Christ sakes he isn't home.
Ellen: Maybe the neighbors know where he is.
Clark: The moron knows we're coming and he isn't home.
Ellen: Normie's always been flakey.
Clark: He's always been a jag-off.
Ellen: Watch your mouth!
View Quote
Ellen: Gee Cath look's like you really got your hands full.
Catherine: Oh, it's not so bad. Eddie says after the baby comes, I can quit one of my night jobs.
Catherine: Oh, it's not so bad. Eddie says after the baby comes, I can quit one of my night jobs.
View Quote
Ellen: I honestly don't think we're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road.
Clark: Jesus, it's only the biggest God-damn hole in the world.
Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
Clark: Make that the second biggest.
Clark: Jesus, it's only the biggest God-damn hole in the world.
Aunt Edna: Clark, watch your language!
Clark: Make that the second biggest.
View Quote
Ellen: Lord, we loved this woman with all our heart.
Audrey: Let's not overdo it, mom.
Ellen: Shut up.
Audrey: Let's not overdo it, mom.
Ellen: Shut up.
View Quote
Ellen: Stay in the car! It's hot and dangerous out here.
Aunt Edna: Don't you tell me what to do, I'll do what I want! I should never have come on this trip with you, I should have taken an airplane... and him! [pointing to Clark] He shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile! He should be BEHIND BARS!
Ellen: SIT down and SHUT UP! Move outta that seat and I'll split your lip!
Aunt Edna: Don't you tell me what to do, I'll do what I want! I should never have come on this trip with you, I should have taken an airplane... and him! [pointing to Clark] He shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile! He should be BEHIND BARS!
Ellen: SIT down and SHUT UP! Move outta that seat and I'll split your lip!
View Quote
Lasky: Has your father ever killed anyone?
Rusty: Just a dog. Oh and my Aunt Edna.
Clark: Hey you can't prove that Russ.
Rusty: Just a dog. Oh and my Aunt Edna.
Clark: Hey you can't prove that Russ.
View Quote
Lasky: Rusty, may I call you Rusty? I had a bad experience on this ride once.
Rusty: What happened?
Lasky: I threw up.
Rusty: What happened?
Lasky: I threw up.
View Quote
Lasky: That's not a real gun, is it Clark?
Clark: Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I.
Lasky: It's a BB gun!
Clark: Don't tempt me. I could poke an eye out with this thing.
Lasky: You couldn't even break the skin with that thing.
Clark: Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I.
Lasky: It's a BB gun!
Clark: Don't tempt me. I could poke an eye out with this thing.
Lasky: You couldn't even break the skin with that thing.
View Quote
Mechanic 2: Ain't never seen anyone so shit-all stupid as you driving off that road. You musta got manure for your brains.
Clark: Yeah, well, we're from out of town. How much do I owe you?
Mechanic 1: How much you got?
Clark: No, I'm asking how much the repairs are.
Mechanic 1: I'm asking how much you got!
Clark: You're out of your mind. Look, I don't have time to fool around so how much is it?
Mechanic 1: [waving a wrench] All of it, boy!
Clark: What does the sheriff think of your business practice?
[Mechanic 1 laughs and shows Clark his sheriff's badge]
Clark: Yeah, well, we're from out of town. How much do I owe you?
Mechanic 1: How much you got?
Clark: No, I'm asking how much the repairs are.
Mechanic 1: I'm asking how much you got!
Clark: You're out of your mind. Look, I don't have time to fool around so how much is it?
Mechanic 1: [waving a wrench] All of it, boy!
Clark: What does the sheriff think of your business practice?
[Mechanic 1 laughs and shows Clark his sheriff's badge]