National Lampoon's Vacation quotes

67 total quotes

Clark Griswold
Multiple Characters
Roy Walley

View Quote Motorcycle Cop: [sternly] Do you know what the penalty is, in this state, for cruelty to animals?
Clark: No, officer, I don't.
Motorcycle Cop: [hesitatingly] Well, it's probably pretty stiff!

View Quote Rusty: [looking through Dale's porno magazines] Would you ever consider selling any of these?
Cousin Dale: No way, I treasure these. I use them a lot.
Rusty: How do you use magazines?
Cousin Dale: Ya ever bop your boloney?

View Quote Rusty: Hey, ya' got Pac Man?
Cousin Dale: No.
Rusty: Ya' got Space Invaders?
Cousin Dale: Nope.
Rusty: Ya' got Asteroids?
Cousin Dale: Naw, but my dad does. Can't even sit on the toilet some days.

View Quote Rusty: Is that a real gun, Mom?
Ellen: I don't know, Rusty, but when this is all over, your father may be going away for a little while.

View Quote Rusty: Mom, my sandwich is all wet.
Ellen: They're all wet... Oh God!... The dog wet on the picnic basket.
[Clark spits out his sandwich. Aunt Edna looks at hers, shrugs, then keeps eating it.]

View Quote Rusty: That was a crummy Wyatt Earp dad. He was wearing jogging shoes.
Clark: They used to Rusty.

View Quote Rusty: Wow dad, we must have jumped that rail by like 50 yards.
Clark: Nothing to be proud of Russ... [pauses as Rusty walks away] 50 yards...

View Quote [after driving off the road]
Ellen: I think I broke my nose.
Rusty: I stabbed my brain.
Audrey: I just got my period.

View Quote [In Cousin Normy's backyard in the pouring rain]
Ellen: We can't leave Aunt Edna on the patio!
Clark: Would you prefer I slip her in the night deposit box at the funeral home?

View Quote [In the middle of a desert. Clark is going crazy as he trots through the hills. Two men on horses watch him]
Clark: We passed a God damn gas station every 10 yards for 1000 miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking your ass off. This is no way to run a desert!
Cowboy: What an asshole.

View Quote [the kids are playing Pacman while Clark is designing a map on the computer] Russ, please don't eat the Truckster.

View Quote Ahhh! I'd like to propose a toast, if I may? Here's to...a very restful vacation. Here's to...a very relaxing vacation. A renewed love affair. And...a time of joy with our babies.

View Quote Arabs, Arabs, are they Arabs? Give them whatever they want.

View Quote Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?

View Quote I don't give a frog's fat ass who went through what. We need money! Hey, Russ, wanna look through Aunt Edna's purse?