National Lampoon's Vacation quotes

View Quote I think you're all ****ed in the head! We're ten hours from ****ing fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation, it's a quest. It's a quest for fun, I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun, we're all gonna have so much ****ing fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah out of your assholes! I gotta be crazy; I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose! Oh, shit!

View Quote I'm making out a check for $1000, all you have to do is give me $300 in cash and keep the $700, all for doing nothing more than acting like a total creep.

View Quote If someone doesn't start explaining what's going on here...well, there's going to be some explaining to do!

View Quote Oh Ellen, the old west was dirty. Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home, there would be no reason for leaving home. Right, Rusty?

View Quote We watch his program. We buy his toys, we go to his movies, he owes us! Doesn't he owe us, ha? He owes the Griswalds right? ****ing-A right he owes us!

View Quote When I was a boy, just about every summer we'd take a vacation. And you know, in 18 years, we never had fun.

View Quote Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that.