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If you find it hard to believe in me, maybe it would help you to know that I believe in you.
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Put down that man—and women persons—their existence means exactly and precisely, not more, not one tiny bit less, just what they think it means, and what I think doesn't count at all.
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Bobbie Landers: Oh, God "doesn't care about religion"?
Jerry Landers: Well, that's what He said.
Jerry Landers: Well, that's what He said.
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Court Clerk: You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
God: So help me, Me.
God: So help me, Me.
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God: Come take a look.
Jerry Landers: I can't. I'm naked.
God: You think I don't know what you got? That was another little goof of mine: shame. I don't know why I thought we needed shame.
Jerry Landers: I can't. I'm naked.
God: You think I don't know what you got? That was another little goof of mine: shame. I don't know why I thought we needed shame.
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God: [speaking through an intercom] How often do you talk with God?
Jerry Landers: Practically never.
Jerry Landers: Practically never.
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God: [speaking through an intercom] Tobacco was one of my big mistakes.
Jerry Landers: Mistakes?
God: You try. Ostriches were a mistake. Silly-looking things. Avocados, made the pit too big. Like I say, you try.
Jerry Landers: Mistakes?
God: You try. Ostriches were a mistake. Silly-looking things. Avocados, made the pit too big. Like I say, you try.
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God: [speaking through an intercom] Well, you're not allowed to see me.
Jerry Landers: Why not.
God: Because.
Jerry Landers: That's no answer.
God: Sue me.
Jerry Landers: Why not.
God: Because.
Jerry Landers: That's no answer.
God: Sue me.
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God: [speaking through Jerry's car radio] Jerry. [Jerry, surprised, begins fiddling with the nobs] Do you want me to talk louder?
Jerry Landers: Oh, God!
God: I thought you didn't believe in me.
Jerry Landers: Uh…that's just an expression.
God: I'm more than that, and I want you to spread the word.
Jerry Landers: Oh, God!
God: I thought you didn't believe in me.
Jerry Landers: Uh…that's just an expression.
God: I'm more than that, and I want you to spread the word.
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God: [speaking through Jerry's car radio] You can do it, it's only one message. Moses had to handle ten.
Jerry Landers: B-but you gave him tablets.
God: He had a bad memory.
Jerry Landers: B-but you gave him tablets.
God: He had a bad memory.
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Jerry Landers: How can you permit all the suffering that goes on in the world?
God: Ah, how can I permit the suffering?
Jerry Landers: Yeah!
God: I don't permit the suffering, you do. Free will. All the choices are yours.
God: Ah, how can I permit the suffering?
Jerry Landers: Yeah!
God: I don't permit the suffering, you do. Free will. All the choices are yours.
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Jerry Landers: I don't believe the Red Sea, and I don't believe six days to create the world.
God: You're right.
Jerry Landers: I am?
God: Tell you the honest truth, I thought about it for five days and did the whole job in one.
God: You're right.
Jerry Landers: I am?
God: Tell you the honest truth, I thought about it for five days and did the whole job in one.
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Jerry Landers: I don't belong to any church!
God: [speaking through an intercom] Neither do I.
God: [speaking through an intercom] Neither do I.
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Jerry Landers: Who are you?
God: [speaking through an intercom] You read the note.
Jerry Landers: Who's that, Artie?
God: God.
Jerry Landers: Come on, Artie.
God: No, it's me, God.
Jerry Landers: God.
God: Right, God. God Almighty. Big G.
God: [speaking through an intercom] You read the note.
Jerry Landers: Who's that, Artie?
God: God.
Jerry Landers: Come on, Artie.
God: No, it's me, God.
Jerry Landers: God.
God: Right, God. God Almighty. Big G.