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It's my cat's birthday today. [passes out]
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[after Dale drops bullets on his floor] Just make sure you get those, I don't wanna run them over with the vacuum and shoot my face off ok?
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[after killing Matheson with his Daewoo Lanos] You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, mother****er! [****s his shotgun] How do you like me now huh? [blows off Matheson's right foot] "Gross."
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[after falling asleep at breakfast] I feel like the nerd at the sleep-over that fell asleep at nine.
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I used to use this little gun when I was a prostitute.
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I'm trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I'm stoned or because I have no blood left in my body?
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(To Dale while running away from the hideout)I don't wanna die man, I wanna **** my wife. She will be out of jail soon, I wanna **** her, I wanna have sex with her. I'm not gonna wake up murdered tomorrow.
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I forgot man, "BROS BEFORE HOES."
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[practicing quick draw] "Don't!"
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I'm up in here tryna get a mother ****in' scholarship!
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[After rescuing Saul by killing Matheson] I wanna be inside you, homes!
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[Referring to his cat] Maybe he went to heaven. He was a little ****er, he could have gone to hell."
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"Thug life!" [****s shotgun]
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[beating and kicking Saul] "What we do in this life echoes in eternity!"
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[Referring to his armpits] "You see this, there's no hair under there. [Dale: What's the significance of that?] it makes me aerodynamic when I fight!"
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[When held up by Matheson and Budlofsky] "Matheson's over here with British Knights on. I ain't seen anyone wear those since 1987."