Producers, The (2005) quotes

View Quote "I'M HYSTERICAL! I'M HYSTERICAL! (Bialystock splashes him with a glass of water) ... I'M WET! I'M WET! I'M WET AND I'M HYSTERICAL! (Bialystock then slaps him) ...I'M IN PAIN! I'M IN PAIN AND I'M WET AND I'M HYSTERICAL!"

View Quote Brazilian Samba Performer: [Sung] You'll find your happiness in Rio! The beaches there are strewn with pearls! The latin breezes always blow there! And so, we hear, do the girls!

View Quote Mr. Marks: Do I smell the revolting stench of self-esteem?

View Quote Sing Sing Prison Guard: Gentlemen, you are hereby granted a full pardon for having - through song and dance - brought joy and laughter into the hearts of every murderer, rapist, and sex maniac in Sing Sing! You're free!

View Quote Stormtrooper "Mel": Don't be stupid, be a smartie. Come and join the Nazi Party.

View Quote Stormtrooper "Rolf": I was born in Düsseldorf, and that is why they call me Rolf.

View Quote Carmen Ghia: He's having a stroke.
Max: What?!
Carmen Ghia: Of genius!!

View Quote Carmen Ghia: Hello, the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger De Bris' elegant Upper East Side townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June. Whom may I say is calling? Listen, you broken down old queen. He was drunk, he was hot, you got lucky! Don't ever call here again!
Roger De Bris: Who was that?
Carmen Ghia: Wrong number!

View Quote Carmen Ghia: Jaques La Peduex [both Carmen and Roger look around, but no one steps forward] Jaques La Peduex [Roger looks at the name card and whispers into Carmen's ear] Jack Lapidus...

View Quote Carmen Ghia: Well as far as I'm concerned, without your wig on you're only half dressed.
Roger De Bris: Well then, why don't you go and get it, oh Wicked Witch of the Wessst?
Carmen Ghia: [after a long pause] If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart... BULLSEYE!

View Quote Carmen: I'll take your coats, and hats...and your swastikas.
Max (to Leo): You didn't tell me we were still wearing them!
Leo: I didn't notice.
Max: Sorry. Just came from a big rally, everyone was wearing one.

View Quote Donald Dinsmore: I would like to sing "The little wooden boy. "
[the song intro plays as Donald dances. Just before he is about to open his mouth...]
Roger De Bris: NEXT!

View Quote Franz Liebkind: [Making Max and Leo take the Siegfried Oath] Raise Your right forefingers! I solemnly svear...
Leo and Max: [holding up their right forefingers] I solemnly svear...
Franz Liebkind: To obey ze Zacred Siegfried Oas...
Leo and Max: To obey the Sacred Siegfried Oath...
Franz Liebkind: Und!
Max: [Switching to his middle finger] Und!
Leo: [Switching to his middle finger] Und!
Franz Liebkind: [Wagging his finger] Never, Never, Never!
Leo and Max: [Flipping Franz off] Never, Never, Never.
Franz Liebkind: Dishoner ze spirit und ze memory of Adolf Elizabeth Hitler
Leo and Max: Dishonor the spirit and the... Elizabeth?
Franz Liebkind: Jah. Dat vas his middle name. Not many people know it, but der Führer vas descended from a long line of English qveens.
[long pause]
Max: Is that right?
Leo and Max: [shrugging] Adolf ELIZABETH Hitler.

View Quote Franz Liebkind: [while waving a gun around] You made a fool of Hitler!
Carmen Ghia, Roger De Bris: He didn't need our help.

View Quote Franz Liebkind: You know, not many people know zis, but der Führer was a terrific dancer.
Max: Really? Gee, we didn't know that, did we, Leo?
Leo: No, we sure didn't.
Franz Liebkind: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE TAKEN IN BY THE BBC! Filthy British lies! But did they ever say a bad word about Winston Churchill? CHURCHILL! With his cigars, and his brandy, and his ROTTEN paintings! ROTTEN! Hitler, there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!