Real Genius quotes

View Quote Jerry Hathaway: To graduate, dear boy, you need my class. So it seems I have something to say about what you do and where you go.
Chris Knight: OK, if you think that by threatening me, you can get me to be your slave, well... that's where you're right, but - and I'm only saying this because I care - there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market today that are just as tasty as the real thing.
Jerry Hathaway: I'm not kidding, Chris.
Chris Knight: Neither am I, Jerry.

View Quote Jordan: Are you going to take me home to meet your parents?
Mitch: No, I don't think so.
Jordan: Why? Are you ashamed of me?
Mitch: No, them.
Jordan: [smiles] Oh.

View Quote Jordan: I heard there was going to be someone new this term, are you it?
Mitch: Yes.
Jordan: Do you have a bed?
Mitch: Yeah.
Jordan: Oh, I was going to make you one if you needed it but you don't so that's okay. Well, I'll see you later, probably.

View Quote Kent: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry Hathaway: I told you before, Kent. You don't get to use my first name.
Kent: Did I?

View Quote Kent: My condolences on your meltdown, Knight.
Chris Knight: What meltdown, Kent?
Kent: I'm not saying you had one, because how would I know? But just in case you do.
Chris Knight: You slime!
Kent: It's your own fault, Knight. Didn't anyone ever tell you to make sure your optics are clean?

View Quote Kent: Okay, who is this?
Mitch: [As the voice of Jesus] This is Jesus. And you've been a very naughty boy.

View Quote Kent: Well, who's gonna clean it up?
Ick: You don't have to. It goes from solid form directly to gas.
Kent: Whoa! What is it?
Ick: I'm not saying. But I can tell you that it's fairly rare and very unstable.
Chris Knight: Just like you, Kent.

View Quote Kent: You're all just a bunch of degenerates!
Chris Knight: We are? What about that time I found you naked with that bowl of Jello?
Kent: You did not!
Chris Knight: This is true.
Kent: I was hot and I was hungry.

View Quote Lazlo Hollyfeld: How did you do?
Chris Knight: I passed... but I failed.
Lazlo Hollyfeld: Then I'm happy... and sad for you.

View Quote Lazlo: I thought you might need some help with the test, so I dug into the computer and got every question Hathaway ever asked on every final he's ever given.
Chris: Gee, I, I didn't get you anything. Are those they?
Lazlo: No. These are entries into the Frito-Lay Sweepstakes. "No purchase necessary, enter as often as you want" - so I am.
Chris: That's great! How many times?
Lazlo: Well, this batch makes it one million six hundred and fifty thousand. I should win thirty-two point six percent of the prizes, including the car.
Chris: That kind of takes the fun out of it, doesn't it?
Lazlo: They set up the rules, and lately I've come to realize that I have certain materialistic needs.
Chris: So, um, where are the questions?
Lazlo: I memorized them.

View Quote Major Carnagle: Where's the laser?
Professor Hathaway: It's coming.
Major Carnagle: It's coming? Ha! It's not even breathing hard.

View Quote Mitch Taylor: Something strange happened to me this morning.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch Taylor: No.
Chris Knight: Why am I the only person that has that dream?

View Quote Mitch: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris Knight: You've seen him too?
Mitch: Who is he?
Chris Knight: Hollyfeld.
Mitch: Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris Knight: Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there.
Chris Knight: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him.
Mitch: Yeah...
Chris Knight: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch. Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?

View Quote Mitch: This is coherent light.
Mitch's dad: Oh, so it talks.

View Quote Mitch: [As the voice of Jesus] ...And from now on, stop playing with yourself.
Kent: It is God...