Joel Goodsen quotes

View Quote [voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are you doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.

View Quote Lock the door when you leave, Glenn. If you read me, grunt twice!

View Quote [about Lana] It was great the way her mind worked: No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialties. Just this shameless pursuit of immediate material gratification. What a capitalist! She told me I could make more money in one night than I'd make all year. Enough to pay for my father's car. She told me she'd be my girlfriend. She told me a lot of things. I believed them all. So, she introduced me to her friends. I introduced her to my friends.

View Quote You know what he said afterwards? He said the lady had knowledge. He was glad to get the knowledge. Do you know why? Because college women can smell ignorance... like dog shit.

View Quote All I'm saying is... walk like a man.

View Quote It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.

View Quote The evening worked out well. We had a good cash flow. Rutherford made a few new friends. He said he'd do his best for me. Finally, it was time to close shop. The girls were exhausted. Lana was hungry. She wanted to go out for a bite. She wanted to make love on a real train. Who was I to say no?

View Quote My name is Joel Goodsen. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh, kid?