Risky Business quotes

View Quote Guido: Hey Joel! Here's to your future as a businessman. 'Cause God knows, you're gonna need it.

View Quote Guido: Joel, you look like a smart kid. I'm going to tell you something I'm sure you'll understand. You're having fun now, right? Right, Joel? The time of your life. In a sluggish economy, never ever **** with another man's livelihood. Now, if you're smart, and I hope you are, you're not gonna make me come back here.

View Quote Joel's Mother: Just use your best judgement. We trust you.

View Quote Joel's Mother: Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the babysitter.

View Quote Lana: Are you ready for me... Ralph?

View Quote Lana: Let's make love on a real train.

View Quote Porsche Service Manager: Who's the U-Boat Commander?

View Quote Barry: [about some girls walking by] Sublime breasts.
Joel: [laughing] They're what kind of breasts?
Barry: Sublime breasts!

View Quote Barry: Are you stoned?
Joel: No. I do not believe so.
Barry: I think you're really wasted!
Joel: This is not wasted, Barry. This is definitely not wasted...Barry? I'm a little wasted!
Barry: I know.
Joel: Don't let me do anything stupid.
Barry: Don't worry.

View Quote Barry: I can't believe Glenn bringing Statwiler over like that.
Joel: Why?
Barry: Because he boffed Hendricks last week!
Joel: He did?
Barry: Yes! And after the game on Saturday, he ****ed her.
Joel: Barry?
Barry: What?
Joel: Boffing and ****ing are the same thing.
Barry: They are?
Joel: [laughing] Yes. What did you think it was?
Barry: I thought it was something else. You're sure on this?
Joel: I'm positive.
Barry: Shit!

View Quote Bill Rutherford: You've done some very solid work here, but it isn't quite lvy League, is it?
Joel: You know, Bill, there's one thing I learned in all my years. Sometimes you have to say "What the ****." Make your move.
Bill Rutherford: I beg your pardon?
Lana: So, how are we doing?
Joel: Looks like University of Illinois!

View Quote Glenn: My cousin went into dermatology. First year, over 80 grand!
Barry: Just for squeezing zits?
Glenn: Why don't you try it, Barry? You have the experience.
Barry: Thank you, you're very kind.

View Quote Guido: [on the phone] Time of your life, huh, kid?
Joel: Where's Lana?
Guido: Maybe she's on the choo-choo. I hear she's got this thing about choo-choos.
Joel: I want to know who took my stuff.
Guido: I took your stuff, Joel, are you kidding?
Joel: Then you listen to me, buster! You a-hole! If I don't get my stuff back... [Guido hangs up] Shit!
[Joel calls back]
Guido: A-hole?
Joel: I want my furniture back right now.
Guido: Now, you listen to me.
Joel: No, no! You listen to me! [Guido hangs up] Shit!
[Joel calls back]
Guido: This is getting boring.
Joel: Can I have my furniture back? Please?
Guido: You listen to me, you little ****! You not only took my two best girls, you call me names and insult me!
Joel: I'm sorry.
Guido: If I had any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it would be your legs! Your arms! Your head! Do we understand each other?
Joel: Yes, we do.
Guido: No! Do we understand each other?
Joel: Yes, we understand each other.
Guido: Well, you're lucky in one respect.
Joel: What's that?
Guido: I like you, Joel. Don't you know that?

View Quote Jackie: Joel, be a courageous person. Open the door! That way, you see, I can call a cab.
Joel: Again, I'm really sorry.
Jackie: As long as we come to an arrangement, I'm in no mood for complaining. I mean, when you put your good money down you gotta get what you wanted in the first place. Know what I mean? When you buy a TV, you don't buy Sony if you want RCA. I know we could get along real well. But, hey! It's your hard-earned money, right? This way, we make an arrangement and everyone is satisfied.
Joel: You had carfare.
Jackie: A long ride. I don't ever come out this far.
Joel: And your time.
Jackie: My time, my effort, my infinite patience and understanding.
Joel: Thank you.
Jackie: 75 dollars.
Joel: Fair enough.
Jackie: Joel, I'm going to give you a number. You ask for Lana. It's what you want.
Joel: Thank you.
Jackie: It's what every white boy off the lake wants.

View Quote Joel's Father: Do you have something to tell me?
Joel: No...I don't think so.
Joel's Father: I just got off the telephone with Bill Rutherford. Apparently, you two had quite a meeting. "Princeton can use a guy like Joel."
Joel: What?
Joel's Father: "Princeton can use a guy like Joel." His exact words!
Joel: That's unbelievable!
Joel's Father: You're as good as in! I knew you could do it! Haven't I been telling you, sometimes you have to say: "What the heck!" Take some chances.
Joel: You were so right.
Joel's Father: You've made me very proud.