Risky Business quotes

View Quote Joel's Father: Joel, do you hear something odd? Something unpleasant?
Joel: No.
Joel's Father: A preponderance of bass, perhaps?
Joel: No.
Joel's Father: Is this the way I left the equalizer?
Joel: No.
Joel's Father: This is not a toy for you and your friends. If you can't use it properly, you're not to use it at all. My house, my rules.

View Quote Joel's Mother: Joel?
Joel: Yes, Mom?
Joel's Mother: Can I talk to you for a minute? What happened to my egg?
Joel: What do you mean?
Joel's Mother: There's a crack in it!
Joel: You're kidding!
Joel's Mother: No, Joel, I'm not kidding. There's a small crack, inside the egg.
Joel's Father: What's wrong?
Joel's Mother: My egg is ruined.
Joel's Father: What happened?
Joel: I don't know.
Joel's Mother: You don't know.
Joel: Mom, maybe it was there before.
Joel's Mother: I don't think so, Joel. How could you let this happen?
Joel: I'm sorry.
Joel's Mother: This is so damned irresponsible of you!
Joel's Father: We'll get another one. Joel will pay for it.
Joel: Sure, I'll pay for it.
Joel's Mother: Where will you get the money to pay for something like that? I'm very disappointed in you. [walks out]
Joel's Father: She'll be all right. Why don't you put in some yard work?

View Quote Joel: How come you left home?
Lana: Why?
Joel: I was just wondering.
Lana: Because my step-father kept coming on to me. What else do you want to know?
Joel: Do you have any brothers and sisters?
Lana: I have a brother. What else?
Joel: If you don't want to talk...
Lana: No, no. Ask me anything.
Joel: I don't think you want to talk and it's okay.
Lana: No, I really want to talk to you.
Joel: What does he do?
Lana: He's in school.
Joel: How come you're not in school?
Lana: I'm not my brother. I'm really trying to be friends with you. But I'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to judge me while you're leaning on your daddy's 40 thousand dollar car. I'll see you around.
Joel: Was it something I said?

View Quote Joel: How could she? It's so stupid!
Miles: Tell your mother it broke!
Joel: That egg is worth a lot more than $300!
Miles: What are you going to do?
Joel: I'm gonna get it back, is what I'm gonna do. Are you going to help?
Miles: Sure. When?
Joel: Right now!
Miles: I can't do it right now! I have a trig mid-term tomorrow!
Joel: Hey, "Mr. What-The-****" what about "exploring the dark side" and all that? Or was that just bullshit?
Miles: That was just bullshit, Joel. I'm surprised you listened to me.

View Quote Joel: I don't think I'm going to say, "What the ****" anymore. This thing has gotten way out of control. I'm going to kill Miles.
Lana: Oh, come on, Joel. Look at it this way. You're making a lot of money. You're providing your friends with an invaluable service. God knows, they needed the service! And, right now, you are one hot-shit future enterpriser. Don't worry so much. I'll be upstairs. And... you have a girlfriend to boot.
Joel: Do I?
...
Joel: Well, do I?
Lana: What do you think?
Joel: I don't know. You tell me. Yes? No? Maybe?
Lana: Yes...No...Maybe. [kisses Joel]

View Quote Joel: I was just thinking...where we might be ten years from now.
Lana: You know what I think? I think we're both going to make it big! I'm very optimistic! I mean it!
Joel: Can I ask you something? Was our night together just to set up Vicki and Guido?
Lana: No. You don't believe me, do you?

View Quote Joel: Listen, you guys. Doesn't anyone want to accomplish anything? Or do we just want to make money?
Barry: Make money.
Girl: Just make money.
Glenn: Make a lot of money.
Barry: What about you, Joel?
Joel: Serve my fellow mankind.

View Quote Joel: Porsche. There is no substitute.
Miles: **** you.

View Quote Joel: So is this Guido guy... he's your "manager"?
Lana: That's right.
Joel: Or a pimp?
Lana: Now that's quick Joel. Have you always been this quick, or is this something new?
Miles: I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

View Quote Joel: This is my friend, Miles.
Lana: Do you like excitement, Miles?
Miles: Love it.

View Quote Joel: Will you do me a favor?
Lana: Anything, cookie.
Joel: Don't steal anything. If I come back here and anything's missing, I'm going straight to the police. I'm not joking.
Lana: Joel, go to school. Go learn something.

View Quote Joel: You're right. You are absolutely right to respond this way. I did not have a doctor's appointment. But I will tell you exactly what happened. "Unexcused." You see, Nurse Bolan lf you write "unexcused," I fail two mid-terms. It'll wreck my whole grade point average! If you'd just stop and listen to me, I'll explain everything. The truth is, my parents are away, and I met this girl. A call girl, actually. She came to my house. Look, you're writing again! This is not "unexcused"! If you will just listen to me, then you'll understand, Nurse Bolan. Why? Why won't you listen to me? [Nurse Bolen waves goodbye to Joel]
Girl: I had a doctor's appointment.
Joel: '[pushing the girl out of the way] Excuse me. It wasn't the girl, it was my father's car. I put my father's car into Lake Michigan and I had to get it fixed. [Nurse Bolan waves goodbye again] Just give me a break. [grabs Nurse Bolan by her lapels] Let me put it this way. I have spent the last four years of my life busting my butt in this shithole! I'm sorry. I don't think I can leave until I get just a little compassion from you.

View Quote Lana: Guess we won't see each other for awhile.
Joel: I know.
Lana: Are you going straight home now?
Joel: I don't know. Why?
Lana: It might be nice if we spent the evening together.
Joel: I'd really like that. [pause] How much have you got on you?
Lana: How much have I got on me?
Joel: Yeah.
Lana: I've got twenty bucks.
Joel: Twenty bucks, Lana? What are we going to do about this?
Lana: Well, it's just that I don't have that much on me.
Lana: Can I send it to you?
Joel: Can you send it to me?
Lana: 'Cause I don't have that much here. How about I write you a check?
Joel: Do you think I'd take a check from you? What am I, stupid?
Lana: I have a bond at the bank.

View Quote Lana: So, I was thinking...if we ever got our friends together, we'd make a fortune!
Joel: Yeah. You're right.
Lana: Do you want to do that?
Joel: Do what?
Lana: Get our friends together in the next few days.
Joel: No. I don't think so.
Lana: Make some money. Be a little enterpriser.
Joel: Future enterpriser.
Lana: Be whatever you want to be. What if I said I'd be your girlfriend for the next few nights?
Joel: No charge?
Lana: Hey, I'm not pushing you on the idea. It's just that my mind keeps working all the time. Nothing I can do about it. It keeps working and working.

View Quote Lana: This is a beautiful place, Ralph. Is it all yours?
Joel: It's my folks', actually.
Lana: Do you know what it's worth?
Joel: A lot, probably.
Lana: Oh, yeah! Real estate? It's fabulous!
Joel: Look, Lana... uh, my name isn't really Ralph. It's Joel.
Lana: Mmmm. I'll be needing 300 bucks...Joel.
Joel: You're kidding.
Lana: No, I don't believe that I am.
Joel: Can I send it to you?
Lana: Can you send it to me, Joel?
Joel: Well, uh, it's just that I don't have that much here in the house.
Lana: How much do you have?
Joel: I have 50 dollars.
Lana: 50 dollars? What are we going to do about this, Joel?
Joel: I don't know.
[pauses]
Joel: I, uh, have a bond at the bank. I could go cash that.
Lana: I'm not good at waiting for people.
Joel: I'll be quick.
Lana: Give it a try.