Risky Business quotes

View Quote Miles: No guts, Goodson.
Joel: The problem was I just wasn't attracted to her.
Miles: That should never stop you.
Joel: She seemed too big.
Miles: It could've worked out.
Joel: I thought I'd get into trouble.
Miles: Sometimes you have to say, "What the ****!" Make your move!
Joel: That's easy for you to say. You're all set. You're probably going to Harvard. Me, I don't want to make a mistake, jeopardize my future!
Miles: Joel, let me tell you something. Every now and then, say "What the ****." "What the ****" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future... So your parents are going out of town. You got the place all to yourself.
Joel: Yeah.
Miles: What the ****...If you can't say it, you can't do it.

View Quote Miles: Okay. Good. You've done the old man's car bit. That's a good start. Now, try this on for size. [reading from the personals] "The Leather Castle. Chicago's finest dominants and submissives. Fully equipped dungeons. Beginners welcome."
Joel: It sounds great, Miles.
Miles: Here's one! "My daddy used to spank my bare bottom. Now he's gone. Will you take his place? Call Misty." Come on, Joel. You've got to take advantage of this! They come to your house! "Countess Angelique seeks young submissive with large ankles!" This is it! "For a good time in the privacy of your own home, call Jackie: 555-1247." Succinct, to the point, down to business. What do you say?
Joel: If you want to call, call for yourself.
Miles: A good time, Joel! In the privacy of your own home! What else can you ask for?
Joel: I'll make my own calls, thank you.
Miles: Then...call!
Joel: Forget it!
Miles: All right! I'm calling.
Joel: You're calling?
Miles: Someday you'll thank me for this.
Joel: You'd better not mention me.
Miles: It's her answering machine. Hi, Jackie, this is Joel Goodson, 525 Remson, Glencoe. I'd like a good time in my home tonight. Bye!
Joel: That was really cute. Now, give me the number so I can call her back.
Miles: Number? There's no number?
Joel: Give me the number, damn it!
Miles: I'm telling you, [eats the paper] there's no number.
Joel: You're an asshole!
Miles: Gotta go. Catch you later.
Joel: Shithead!

View Quote Miles: What happened?
Joel: Last night?
Miles: That's right, with Kessler.
Joel: She was babysitting down the street.
Miles: We know that.
Joel: So, I went over there. She was giving the kid a bath and accidentally hit the shower thing. All of her clothes were drying upstairs.
Miles: '[laughing] It could happen.
Joel: So she plops down on the kitchen floor and she looks up at me and says "I think I'm in the mood."
Barry: She said that? What did you say?
Joel: I didn't have to say anything.
Barry: What did you do?
Joel: What do you think I did?
Glenn: I think you got the hell out of there...ran home, and whacked off.
[Everyone laughs]
Joel: With Kessler just lying there, just wanting me??
Miles: I disagree.
Joel: Thanks.
Miles: Did you have your bike?
Joel: Yeah.
Miles: I think you got on your bike, pedaled home...and whacked off.
[Everyone laughs]

View Quote [about Lana] It was great the way her mind worked: No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialties. Just this shameless pursuit of immediate material gratification. What a capitalist! She told me I could make more money in one night than I'd make all year. Enough to pay for my father's car. She told me she'd be my girlfriend. She told me a lot of things. I believed them all. So, she introduced me to her friends. I introduced her to my friends.

View Quote All I'm saying is... walk like a man.

View Quote It seems to me that if there were any logic to our language, trust would be a four letter word.

View Quote Lock the door when you leave, Glenn. If you read me, grunt twice!

View Quote My name is Joel Goodsen. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh, kid?

View Quote The evening worked out well. We had a good cash flow. Rutherford made a few new friends. He said he'd do his best for me. Finally, it was time to close shop. The girls were exhausted. Lana was hungry. She wanted to go out for a bite. She wanted to make love on a real train. Who was I to say no?

View Quote You know what he said afterwards? He said the lady had knowledge. He was glad to get the knowledge. Do you know why? Because college women can smell ignorance... like dog shit.

View Quote [voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors'. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I'm looking around for the people, but nobody seems to be there. And then I hear the shower running, so I go upstairs to see what's what. Then I see her; this... girl, this incredible girl. I mean, what she's doing there I don't know, because she doesn't live there... but it's a dream, so I go with it. "Who's there?" she says. "Joel," I say. "What are you doing here?" "I don't know what I'm doing here; what are you doing here?" "I'm taking a shower," she says. Then I give her: "You want me to go?" "No," she says; "I want you to wash my back." So now, I'm gettin' enthusiastic about this dream. So I go to her, but she's hard to find through all the steam and stuff; I keep losing her. Finally I get to the door... and I... find myself in a room full of kids taking their college boards. I'm over three hours late; I've got two minutes to take the whole test. I've... just made a terrible mistake. I'll never get to college. My life is ruined.