Scary Movie 4 quotes

View Quote Brenda: Hey, Cindy! Look, I'm on TV, y'all! Check it out! I'm gonna give a shout out to all my peeps!
(Jigsaw turns around and slaps Brenda in the face)
Brenda: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! (bashing Jigsaw's face into the camera) NO ONE...BITCH SLAPS...BRENDA!
Jigsaw: Zoltar, help!
(Zoltar comes in to help his partner)
Jigsaw: Oh, this is some bullshit!
(Brenda grabs the pipe and whacks Jigsaw with it before pushing Zoltar out of view)

View Quote Brenda: Is something wrong?
Cindy Campbell: No, it's just... I met this guy, and I wonder if he's safe. Oh, you'd love him, Brenda.
Brenda: What's his name? I might've already loved him.
Cindy Campbell: Tom Ryan.
Brenda: Yeah, did him. Big, fat Chinese guy?
Cindy Campbell: No...no.
Cindy Campbell: (relieved) But he is the kind of guy I'd like to share the rest of my life with.

View Quote Cindy Campbell: (to Tom) I was married once...
Cindy's Husband: (flashback) Git outta the way, bitch!
Cindy Campbell: Don't call me no bitch! You ain't shit!
Cindy's Husband: Shut yo ass up, snow ho!
(Cindy throws glass bottle)
Cindy Campbell: (flashback ends) Well, actually, married twice.

View Quote Cindy Campbell: It looks like we have a lot in...
Tom Ryan: ...common.
Cindy Campbell: We're already finishing each other's...
Tom Ryan: ...dinner!

View Quote Cindy Campbell: Oh, my God!
Mr. Koji: Don't mind her. She slip and fall. You my new best employee! Ready start today?

View Quote Mahalik: Grandma?! The zombies have got my grandma!
(Mahalik grabs his grandma and starts shaking her)
Mahalik: Die, Grandma! Die! Die! I loved you! I loved you!

View Quote Marilyn: (as Tom pulls up in his car) Late again, Tom.
Tom Ryan: Hey, Marilyn.
Marilyn: I thought you were moving.
Tom Ryan: Oh, it's all I could afford right now. You took everything in the divorce except my name.
Marilyn: No, actually, the judge granted me that yesterday. You're now officially known as "Horace P. MacTitties."

View Quote Oliver: We gotta find a way to take out these tripods. I heard that the Japs took out a few of 'em over in Kikkoman.
Tom Ryan: Kikkoman. That's...that's a soy sauce.
Oliver: Right, yeah. Low sodium.

View Quote Robbie: Dad, talk to me! What's happening?
Tom Ryan: There's no time to explain! (a man runs past the window, screaming)
Random Guy: Alien attack!
Tom Ryan: Well, actually, that about sums it up.

View Quote Saw Villain: Let the game begin.
Cindy Campbell: I... I don't get it.
Saw Villain: Okay...maybe this will help you "see."
(a knife comes out from the wall)
Cindy Campbell: You want me to cut something?
Saw Villain: That... should be obvious, yes.
(she goes to cut her wrist)
Saw Villain: No.
(she reaches out to cut Brenda's shoulder)
Saw Villain: No! The key is behind your eye, okay?!

View Quote Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, we've just received word the planet is under attack by aliens.
President Harris: Oh, okay...
Secret Service Agent: Sir, they've already wiped out some of our cities, if nothing is done they'll kill us all.
President Harris: I see. Well, I'll deal with that later, but right now I need to find out what's happening with the duck.
Secret Service Agent: Sir, with each passing moment more people will die.
President Harris: The people are gonna die regardless. But this duck still has a fighting chance.
Secret Service Agent: I've read the story before, Mr. President. The duck dies...
(the President spits milk all over the elementary school kids)
President Harris: Oh my God! That's horrible!

View Quote Shaq: (After throwing the rock into the basketball) Boo-yah!
Dr. Phil: Yes! (He and Shaq use their saws together) 30 seconds left! AAAAAAARGH!
Shaq: He doesn't want us to cut through our chains, but this will never work.
Dr. Phil: Of course. He wants us to cut through our feet.
Shaq: You go first.
Dr. Phil: Bullshit!
Shaq: Yeah. You're probably not man enough. I guess your mama was right...
Dr. Phil: (looks up) NEVER!!!!! Who's the coward NOW, Mama?! (Saws through his foot)
Shaq: Candy from a baby.
Dr. Phil: I've done it! We're saved! (holds up foot)
Shaq: Oh, my God! (points)
Dr. Phil: What's wrong?!
Shaq: Wrong foot!
Dr. Phil: (looks down) Motherfu.... (hits floor with a thud.)

View Quote Tom Ryan: Ever since the divorce it's like my life has no purpose. Half the time, I walk around feelin' like a zombie!
C. J.: Yo, don't joke about zombies. That shit there - that's real.
Mahalik: Yo, you know Nashawn, down on 120th Street?
C. J.: Yeah.
Mahalik: She told me that she heard a zombie goin' through her trash the other day. The next mornin', she turned up missin'!
Tom Ryan: Uh...
(C.J. interrupts)
C. J.: What?! Okay, back up. How in the hell do you "turn up missing"?
Mahalik: 'Cause nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain't there!
Tom Ryan: Guys, I'm trying to ask...
C. J.: (interrupts again) So you tellin' me that you can appear and disappear at the same time?
Mahalik: No, man. You can't appear and disappear at the same time. The bitch ain't David Copperfield!
Tom Ryan: Uh, guys...
C. J.: (interrupts a third time) Mmm. No, no. But you can't be gone from one place and show up somewhere else entirely. So when you turn up, you're never missin'. And when you're missin', you never turn up.
Mahalik: Unless... you a zombie.
C. J.: Damn! Hey, that's some plausible shit right there. You should blog about that.
Mahalik: I'm-a gonna put that on Myspace!
C. J.: You do that!

View Quote Tom's Neighbor #1: Why is the sky so dark?!
Tom's Neighbor #2: Why is the wind moving towards the storm?!
Tom's Neighbor #3: (sees laundry flapping in the wind) Why don't any of us have dryers?!

View Quote Tom: Get in the car, Marvin, or you're gonna die!
Marvin: Okay...(reaches for handle but the door is locked. looks at Tom)
Tom: Well, wait while I...(tries to unlock door but Marvin pulls handle at the same time. This happens a few times.) Don't do that.
RED SUS: i killed red blue and white and then vented and btw yellow is sus
Tom: Okay, on the count of three. One! Two! Three! (Tom unlocks door but again Marvin pulls handle) Why would you do that? Why would you go at the same time I do? That's what all this is about!!
Marvin: Hey, you said go on three.
Tom: What the ****?
Marvin: Wait, your three, or my three?
Tom: There's only one three! You go on four!
Marvin: So, now I gotta go on four? You're makin' the black man wait for you?!
Tom: Just go on four! One...
Marvin: No. No one. I'm out. I'll take the next one, that okay with you. (backs away)
Tom: Sheesh...attitude. (puts car in drive and leaves)
Marvin: For real...I'd rather be dead. (gets zapped by Tri-pod.)