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(Smith has just killed everyone in the hotel room while simultaneously having sex with DQ)
Smith: Talk about shooting your load.
Smith: Talk about shooting your load.
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DQ: Why don't you take this baby to the police?
Smith: I can't go to the police.
DQ: Why not?
Smith: I'm the Unabomber.
DQ: They caught the Unabomber.
Smith: That's what they think.
Smith: I can't go to the police.
DQ: Why not?
Smith: I'm the Unabomber.
DQ: They caught the Unabomber.
Smith: That's what they think.
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Hammerson: Do you know why Americans love guns? And it's got nothing to do with all that phallic mumbo-jumbo, "****ing your gun." No, Hertz, people love guns because America is a land of opportunity where a poor man can become rich and a pussy can become a tough guy, if he's got a gun in his hand. Now, I'm hoping you're not just a pussy with a gun in your hand.
Hertz: Oh no, sir, no I am not. No, I'm a tough guy with a pussy in my hand.
Hertz: Oh no, sir, no I am not. No, I'm a tough guy with a pussy in my hand.
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Hertz: Do you know why a gun is better than a wife?
Man Who Rides Shotgun: Dunno.
Hertz: Well, you can put a silencer on a gun.
Man Who Rides Shotgun: Dunno.
Hertz: Well, you can put a silencer on a gun.
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Hertz: Tell me where the woman and the child are. (grabs Smith's ring finger) Tell me, or I will be forced to cause you...considerable agony.
Smith: Believe me... nothing could be more agonizing than to listen to you jabberin' on and on.
Smith: Believe me... nothing could be more agonizing than to listen to you jabberin' on and on.
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Smith: Want to know the difference between this luxury car and a porcupine?
DQ: I give up.
Smith: With the car, the pricks are on the inside.
DQ: Tell me about it.
DQ: I give up.
Smith: With the car, the pricks are on the inside.
DQ: Tell me about it.
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Smith: We could call him Oliver. Like Oliver Twist.
DQ: Because he's an orphan?
Smith: Because I liked the book.
DQ: You liked the book?
Smith: I didn't hate it.
DQ: That's a first.
DQ: Because he's an orphan?
Smith: Because I liked the book.
DQ: You liked the book?
Smith: I didn't hate it.
DQ: That's a first.
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[After a bloody gun battle, Smith and DQ are walking through the streets.]
DQ: (Ranting at Smith in Italian)
Smith: I don't understand a word you're going on about, but I know exactly what you're saying and I refuse to apologize.
DQ: (Ranting at Smith in Italian)
Smith: I don't understand a word you're going on about, but I know exactly what you're saying and I refuse to apologize.
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(after having shot Hammerson with his own gun) Aren't guns just ****ing great, Hammerson?
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(after ramming a carrot through the back of a guy's head) Eat your vegetables.
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(after using a Walther PPK) What a piece of crap.
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(On a cell phone, while aiming a gun at Smith) I can't talk right now, honey. I'm right in the middle of something.
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(repeated) You know what I hate?
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(Teaching Oliver about guns) This is the business end. You should never point this at anything you don't intend to kill.
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(upon seeing he ran over a robotic decoy of Oliver) What in the hell is that? Oh, my God, that is twisted. That sick son of a bitch. That sick son of a bitch suckered us again!