The Simpsons Movie quotes

View Quote [During the credits, we see that someone has stolen everything in Burns' mansion.]
Smithers: They've taken everything, sir.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, I don't believe in suicide, but... if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.

View Quote [Homer and Bart cycle up the dome, preparing to throw the bomb out through the hole at the top]
Bart: Homer... I'm sorry I said I wished you weren't my father.
Homer: That's all right, son. I wasn't much of a father. I guess it started with the way my dad raised me... [realising] Yes, I see it all now! It's just been a never-ending cycle of--
Marge: [through megaphone] SOMEBODY THROW THE GODDAMN BOMB!!!

View Quote [Homer and Marge kiss on Homer's motorcycle]
Marge: Best kiss of my life...
Homer: Best kiss of your life so far!

View Quote [Homer and Plopper watch Bumblebee Man kiss a mule on TV]
Bumblebee Man:¡Ay, ay, ay! ¡Un burro amoroso! [Translation: "Oh, no! A mule in love!"]
Homer: [nudging Plopper] Don't get any ideas, huh?
[They laugh, and Homer falls off the couch, ending up at eye level with Plopper.]
Homer: [awkward silence] Maybe we should kiss, just to break the tension...
Marge: What's going on here?
Homer: Nothing!

View Quote [Homer decides that he doesn't want to save Springfield from being destroyed.]
Homer: I'm happy here. Screw Springfield!
Marge: [gasps] I can't believe you'd say something so selfish!
Homer: Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At four in the afternoon!
Marge: It was seven at night.
Homer: It was during Access Hollywood!
Marge: Which is on at four and seven.
Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: Dad, how could you turn your back on everyone who loved us?!
Bart: Flanders helped us when we were in trouble!
Homer: Who cares what Flanders thinks? He's not your father!
Bart: I wish he was!
Homer: [scoffs] You don't mean that. You practically worship me.
Bart: Oh yeah? Look what I did to your picture! [Picture shows Homer with marker written on it to make him look like Flanders]
Homer: AAAH!
Bart: Look at it, Homer! [holds it up to Homer's face] How-dilly-doodily! How-dilly-doodlily! How--
Homer: WHY, YOU LITTLE--!! [strangles him] I'll strangle-angle you!
Bart: [strangled] Diddily! Diddily!

View Quote [Homer is happily eating a Krusty Burger while an angry Bart glares at him for not taking the blame when he should have.]
Homer: Hey, what's with you? [Accidentally spits on Bart]
Bart: [Wipes off spit] You really wanna know?
Homer: Of course I do. What kind of father wouldn't care about a PIG WEARING A HAT!
[He has noticed a pig wearing a chef's hat, sitting on a chair with Krusty the Clown. They are filming a commercial.]
Director: Action!
Krusty the Clown: [holding a sandwich] Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty for my new pork sandwich, the Clogger! If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico! [laughs, then takes a bite of the sandwich] Mmmm!
Director: And... we're clear.
[Krusty spits out the sandwich in disgust, then throws it away]
Krusty: Uggh... Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
[A saw is held up to the pig. It squeals in terror.]
Homer: [horrified] Wha--?!? You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
[The pig runs across to Homer, looking up at him in desperation. Homer briefly imagines himself and the pig dancing in a field to the song Happy Together, dressed as hippies. He then smiles and picks up the pig.]
Homer: You're coming home with me...

View Quote [Homer re-shingles the roof. Bart is up with him.]
Homer: [trying to hammer a nail] Steady... Steady... [Homer pulls the hammer back and stabs himself in the eye] Oww!!!
[Bart laughs at him]
Homer: [pulls hammer from his eye but keeping his hurt eye closed] Why, you little--!! [strangles Bart] I'll teach you to laugh... at something... that's funny!!!
Bart: [struggles free] You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
Homer: [bitter] What kind of fun?
Bart: ... How about a dare contest?
Homer: [lightens up and opens his injured eye] That sounds fun. I dare you to... climb the TV antenna!
Bart: [does so] Piece of cake.
Homer: [shakes the antennae] Earthquake!
[They both laugh. Bart is thrown off the antenna and bounces down the roof, grabbing the gutter before he can fall off.]
Homer: [shakes the gutter] Aftershock!
[They continue to laugh, until Ned Flanders notices them from his garden.]
Ned: Homer, I don't mean to be a nervous Pervis or anything, but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a parapleg-erino?
Homer: Shut up, Flanders!
Bart: Yeah, shut up, Flanders!
Homer: Well said, boy!
[They high-five, and then Homer gets out his hammer again, readying another nail for the gutter.]
Homer: Steady... Steady... Steady... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
[Homer has fallen through the roof. Bart laughs at him again.]

View Quote [Lisa goes door to door trying to educate people about the environment. She goes to the first house.]
Lisa: [rings doorbell] Hello. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday, but I'm sure you're as worried about the pollution in Lake Springfield as I am--
[The person has shut the door on Lisa. She goes to the next house]
Lisa: [Rings doorbell] Lake Springfield has more levels of mercury than either--
[The person has shut the door on Lisa. She goes to the next house. An old lady answers]
Old lady: Why, it's the little girl who saved my cat.
Lisa: Lake Springfield--
[The old lady shuts the door on Lisa. Lisa sighs and gives up.]

View Quote [Lisa has a girl talk with Marge about Colin]
Lisa: No, I still haven't told you the best part! He cares about the environment! No! I still haven't told you the best part! He's got an [with a heavy Irish accent] Irish brogue! [In normal voice] No, wait, I still haven't told you the best part! He's not imaginary!
Marge: Honey, that's great! But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man t-- [sees pig tracks on the ceiling] How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?!
Homer: [moving Plopper upside down across the ceiling while singing to the tune of the Spider-Man theme song] Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig. Look oooooout, he is a Spider-Pig.

View Quote [Marge and Grandpa are discussing his prophecy while Maggie is playing a "Baby Blast" game on a handheld which she confiscated from Bart in church.]
Marge: [discussing Grandpa's prophecy with him] "A thousand eyes." What could that be?
Grandpa: Hmm... I'm pretty sure a thousand... is a number...
[Homer pokes his head in]
Homer: Hey, Marge! Isn't it great being married to somebody who's recklessly impulsive?
Marge: Actually, it's aged me horribly.
Homer: Then say hello to the newest Simpson!
[He comes in, carrying the pig (now named "Plopper"). Marge notices his twisted tail, and with shock remembers that part of Grandpa's prophecy.]
Marge: Homer... I believe that Grandpa's prophecy warned us about precisely this! Please get rid of that pig!
Homer: [not worried] Aw, you're gonna love him! Look, he does an impression of you...
[Homer pulls Plopper's tail, causing him to scream and then do a deep-throated growl similar to Marge's trademark groan]
Homer: [s****s] You nailed her! He also does me...
[He squeezes Plopper, causing him to belch. Marge laughs.]
Homer: You smiled, I'm off the hook!

View Quote [Marge watches the video of Grandpa on Comic Book Guy's phone.]
Grandpa (on video): Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! TRAPPED FOREVER! Epa! Epa!
Marge: "Epa"? What could that be?
Comic Book Guy: I believe that's the sound that the Green Lantern made when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid: "EEEEEEEEPAAH!"
[Slight pause]
Marge: ... Uhh... yeah. Thanks for coming over.
Comic Book Guy: Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants. Never known comfort like this!

View Quote [On the front lawn, Homer and Bart are still in their dare contest. Homer is carrying heavy bricks around on his back, while Bart shoots at him with a pellet gun.]
Homer: [yelping] ... Aiyee! ... Aiyee! ... D'oh! ... Oh, why did I... Aiyee! ...suggest this?! ... Ow! ... D'oh! ... D'oooo-ho-hoooh! ...
[Eventually, a timer dings. Homer's dare has ended.]
Homer: [drops the bricks] All right, boy. Time for the ultimate dare! I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger, and back... naked.
Bart: How naked?
Homer: Fourth base.
Bart: But girls might see my doodle.
Homer: Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you Chicken For Life! Every morning you'll wake up to "Good morning, Chicken!" And at your wedding I'll sing [to the tune of Here Comes the Bride] "Bawk, bawk, bawk-bawk! Bawk, bawk, bawk--"
[Bart skateboards off in the nude]
Homer: [incredulous] Bawk?!

View Quote [Russ Cargill levels a shotgun at Homer and Bart]
Russ Cargill: Hello, Homer.
Homer: So, we meet at last... whoever-you-are.
Cargill: There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School. One is how to cope with defeat; the other is how to handle a shotgun. I'm going to do both right now.
Bart: Wait! If you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried.
Cargill: What treasure?
Bart: The treasure of... Ima Weiner!
Cargill: "I'm a weiner"?
[Homer and Bart laugh]
Homer: Classic!
Cargill: Well, always leave 'em laughing. Goodbye, sir.
[Cargill aims the shotgun at Homer and is about to fire, when a large rock falls on his head and knocks him out. Maggie reveals herself as the one who whacked him out.]
Homer: Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be!

View Quote [Springfield has gone into anarchy, attacking the dome with anything they find.]
Cargill: [to President Schwarzenegger] Look what they're doing to our dome!
[A television shows people trying to break through the dome. An elephant also charges it, and is knocked out cold as soon as he collides with the dome. The camera zooms in to this point, and shows a small crack forming.]
Cargill: Do you know what that is, sir?
President Schwarzenegger: [a little woried] A crack?
Cargill: That's right, sir! First, let me state the problem: people have gotten out of the dome before, and they're gonna do it again - and when they do, there's gonna be hearings - investigations--
President Schwarzenegger: GOTT IN HIMMEL! I'll have to go back to making family comedies! [looks at a movie poster titled "Diaper Genie" and groans]
Cargill: Don't worry sir, I have a solution for you. In fact, I have five solutions. [lays out 5 files again] You don't even have to read them! You'll have deniability. I'll take care of everything, you know nothing!
[Pause]
President Schwarzenegger: No! I need to know what I'm approving! [reaches for Number 3]
Cargill: True, sir. But then again, knowing things is overrated. Anyone can pick something when they know what it is. It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about!
[Another pause]
President Schwarzenegger: Okay, I pick three.
Cargill: Try again.
President Schwarzenegger: One?
Cargill: Go higher.
President Schwarzenegger: Five?
Cargill: Too high.
President Schwarzenegger: Three?
Cargill: You already said three.
President Schwarzenegger: Six?
Cargill: There is no six.
President Schwarzenegger: Two?
Cargill: Double it.
President Schwarzenegger: Four!
Cargill: As you wish, sir.

View Quote [the angry mob barges into the Simpson home and sees Maggie next to the stairs playing with her letter blocks]
Krusty: Teeny, take out the baby!
[Maggie smashes her empty milk bottle against the stairway and brandishes it as a weapon. Teeny flees to Krusty, who cradles him like an infant]