View Quote
Dorothy Baker: [to Jake Ryan on the phone] Now you listen to me, mister! God did not put me on this Earth to be awakened by filthy suggestions from a foul-mouthed hooligan like you! And as for our granddaughter, I'm sure she has more than enough sense to stay clear of the likes of you! Now goodnight and goodbye!
View Quote
Ginny Baker: I really love Rudy. He is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had men who've loved me before, but not for six months in a row.
View Quote
Ginny: Darling, is something bothering you? You're really acting like... an airhead. And I think I know what it is. I think you're jealous that I'm getting married and that I'm getting all the attention.
Samantha: You know, everybody in this family has just gone totally Outer Limits.
Ginny: No, Sam, I think you're just being a little selfish and immature.
Samantha: Oh, yes, that's it. That's exactly it. [storms out]
Ginny: [to herself] Unbelievable. You make someone a bridesmaid and they spread all over you.
Samantha: You know, everybody in this family has just gone totally Outer Limits.
Ginny: No, Sam, I think you're just being a little selfish and immature.
Samantha: Oh, yes, that's it. That's exactly it. [storms out]
Ginny: [to herself] Unbelievable. You make someone a bridesmaid and they spread all over you.
View Quote
Howard Baker: [to Jake Ryan on the phone] Are you the little beggar that's been calling up here all night and then hanging up?
Jake: Would it be possible for you to tell me if there's a Samantha Baker here? And if there is, may I speak with her briefly?
Howard Baker: Yes, it is, and no, you may not!
Jake: Would it be possible for you to tell me if there's a Samantha Baker here? And if there is, may I speak with her briefly?
Howard Baker: Yes, it is, and no, you may not!
View Quote
Jake: [about Samantha's panties] These are really hers?
The Geek: Yeah.
Jake: How did you get 'em?
The Geek: She gave 'em to me.
Jake: Did you...
The Geek: No! No, Jake. She's cranked for you. I told her you asked about her, right? The girl freaked. She had a fit. She thinks you're the cat's meow!
Jake: Really? She came up to me in the gym tonight. She looked at me like I was a leper.
The Geek: Girls will do that, Jake. You know? They know that guys are like in perpetual heat, right? They know we do it, and they enjoy pumping us up. It's pure power politics, I'm telling you.
Jake: I thought she hated my guts.
The Geek: Games, Jake. Silly torturous games. You know how many times I've gone without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Any halfway decent girl can rob me - blind! Because I'm too torqued up to say no. It's heinous, I'm telling you.
Jake: You better not be dickin' me around. It'd be a major downer to try and get together with this girl and find out that she really does think I'm a slime.
The Geek: Jake, would I dick you? Let me put it to you this way: what happens to me if I dick you?
Jake: Heh, I'd kick your ass.
The Geek: Right! So why would I lie? But I feel compelled to mention to you, Jake, that if all you want of the girl is a piece of ass, I mean, I'll either do it myself, or get someone bigger than me to kick your ass. I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me.
Jake: I can get a piece of ass anytime I want. Shit, I've got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.
The Geek: [almost chokes on a pretzel] What are you waiting for?
Jake: I don't know. She's beautiful, and she's built and all that. [Sighs] I'm just not interested anymore.
The Geek: Does that really matter, guy?
Jake: Yeah, it matters. She's totally insensitive. Look what she did to my house. She doesn't know shit about love. Only thing she cares about is partying. I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?
The Geek: That's beautiful, Jake.
The Geek: Yeah.
Jake: How did you get 'em?
The Geek: She gave 'em to me.
Jake: Did you...
The Geek: No! No, Jake. She's cranked for you. I told her you asked about her, right? The girl freaked. She had a fit. She thinks you're the cat's meow!
Jake: Really? She came up to me in the gym tonight. She looked at me like I was a leper.
The Geek: Girls will do that, Jake. You know? They know that guys are like in perpetual heat, right? They know we do it, and they enjoy pumping us up. It's pure power politics, I'm telling you.
Jake: I thought she hated my guts.
The Geek: Games, Jake. Silly torturous games. You know how many times I've gone without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Any halfway decent girl can rob me - blind! Because I'm too torqued up to say no. It's heinous, I'm telling you.
Jake: You better not be dickin' me around. It'd be a major downer to try and get together with this girl and find out that she really does think I'm a slime.
The Geek: Jake, would I dick you? Let me put it to you this way: what happens to me if I dick you?
Jake: Heh, I'd kick your ass.
The Geek: Right! So why would I lie? But I feel compelled to mention to you, Jake, that if all you want of the girl is a piece of ass, I mean, I'll either do it myself, or get someone bigger than me to kick your ass. I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me.
Jake: I can get a piece of ass anytime I want. Shit, I've got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.
The Geek: [almost chokes on a pretzel] What are you waiting for?
Jake: I don't know. She's beautiful, and she's built and all that. [Sighs] I'm just not interested anymore.
The Geek: Does that really matter, guy?
Jake: Yeah, it matters. She's totally insensitive. Look what she did to my house. She doesn't know shit about love. Only thing she cares about is partying. I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?
The Geek: That's beautiful, Jake.
View Quote
Jake: I'll make a deal with you. [about Samantha's panties] You let me keep these, I'll let you take Caroline home. But you gotta make sure she gets home, you can't leave her in some parking lot. Okay?
The Geek: Jake, I'm only a freshman.
Jake: So, she's so blitzed she won't know the difference.
The Geek: Jake, I don't have a car.
Jake: You can take mine.
The Geek: Jake, I don't have a license.
Jake: I trust you.
The Geek: Jake, I'm only a freshman.
Jake: So, she's so blitzed she won't know the difference.
The Geek: Jake, I don't have a car.
Jake: You can take mine.
The Geek: Jake, I don't have a license.
Jake: I trust you.
View Quote
Jim Baker: I was just upstairs, and I couldn't sleep. I feel like a real jerk, honey. We forgot your birthday. I bet you're really P.O.'d, huh?
Samantha: No, it's okay. I'm not really all that upset anymore.
Jim Baker: This wedding is really turning this entire house inside out. And I just came down to tell you that we did remember.
Samantha: Thanks, Dad.
Jim Baker: Happy birthday. [Sighs] Is something else wrong?
Samantha: No, why?
Jim Baker: I don't know, I just get the feeling that something's bothering you. Something other than your birthday.
Samantha: No, I'm fine. Really.
Jim Baker: I think I know what it is. It has to do with a certain guy? I know, honey. I know. We're all upset that Ginny's marrying a boh**k. What's the matter?
Samantha: [Sighs] I meant Jake.
Jim Baker: Jake? Wait a minute. I thought she said his name was Rudy.
Samantha: Forget it.
Jim Baker: Forget what? Who's Jake?
Samantha: He's a boy, Daddy. It's nothing. Okay? Just forget it, please.
Jim Baker: Come on, Sam. We're not communicating.
Samantha: It's extremely embarrassing, okay?
Jim Baker: What's embarrassing?
Samantha: Sitting in the dark with your dad, telling him about your love life.
Jim Baker: I'm afraid you lost me again, Sam.
Samantha: Jake is a senior, and he's beautiful and perfect. I like him a real lot, and he doesn't like me. Okay?
Jim Baker: Oh.
Samantha: And he's got this incredible girlfriend. I'm just this ridiculous dork that's following him around like a puppy.
Jim Baker: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
Samantha: Mike thinks I'm a dork.
Jim Baker: Mike is a dork.
Samantha: But so am I.
Jim Baker: Well, if it's any consolation, I love you. And if this guy can't see in you all the beautiful and wonderful things that I see, then he's got the problem.
Samantha: I know. It just hurts.
Jim Baker: That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call 'em something else.
Samantha: But if I were Ginny, I'd have this guy crawling on his knees.
Jim Baker: Well, let me tell you something about Ginny. Now, I love her as much as I love you. But she's a different person. Sometimes I worry about her. When you're given things kind of easily, you don't always appreciate them. With you, I'm not worried. When it happens to you, Samantha, it'll be forever.
Samantha: No, it's okay. I'm not really all that upset anymore.
Jim Baker: This wedding is really turning this entire house inside out. And I just came down to tell you that we did remember.
Samantha: Thanks, Dad.
Jim Baker: Happy birthday. [Sighs] Is something else wrong?
Samantha: No, why?
Jim Baker: I don't know, I just get the feeling that something's bothering you. Something other than your birthday.
Samantha: No, I'm fine. Really.
Jim Baker: I think I know what it is. It has to do with a certain guy? I know, honey. I know. We're all upset that Ginny's marrying a boh**k. What's the matter?
Samantha: [Sighs] I meant Jake.
Jim Baker: Jake? Wait a minute. I thought she said his name was Rudy.
Samantha: Forget it.
Jim Baker: Forget what? Who's Jake?
Samantha: He's a boy, Daddy. It's nothing. Okay? Just forget it, please.
Jim Baker: Come on, Sam. We're not communicating.
Samantha: It's extremely embarrassing, okay?
Jim Baker: What's embarrassing?
Samantha: Sitting in the dark with your dad, telling him about your love life.
Jim Baker: I'm afraid you lost me again, Sam.
Samantha: Jake is a senior, and he's beautiful and perfect. I like him a real lot, and he doesn't like me. Okay?
Jim Baker: Oh.
Samantha: And he's got this incredible girlfriend. I'm just this ridiculous dork that's following him around like a puppy.
Jim Baker: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
Samantha: Mike thinks I'm a dork.
Jim Baker: Mike is a dork.
Samantha: But so am I.
Jim Baker: Well, if it's any consolation, I love you. And if this guy can't see in you all the beautiful and wonderful things that I see, then he's got the problem.
Samantha: I know. It just hurts.
Jim Baker: That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call 'em something else.
Samantha: But if I were Ginny, I'd have this guy crawling on his knees.
Jim Baker: Well, let me tell you something about Ginny. Now, I love her as much as I love you. But she's a different person. Sometimes I worry about her. When you're given things kind of easily, you don't always appreciate them. With you, I'm not worried. When it happens to you, Samantha, it'll be forever.
View Quote
Samantha: Thanks for getting my undies back.
Jake: Thanks for coming over.
Samantha: Thanks for coming to get me.
Jake: Happy birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.
Samantha: It already came true. [they kiss]
Jake: Thanks for coming over.
Samantha: Thanks for coming to get me.
Jake: Happy birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.
Samantha: It already came true. [they kiss]
View Quote
Samantha: You know, just now I really felt how much you like me.
The Geek: You're probably zoning in on my brain waves or something.
Samantha: Well, not really. I felt it on my leg.
The Geek: You're probably zoning in on my brain waves or something.
Samantha: Well, not really. I felt it on my leg.
View Quote
The Geek: [as Caroline is slapping him awake] Dammit, Mom, I've got my headgear on!
Caroline: [annoyed] Will you wake up?
The Geek: [opens eyes] Where the hell am I?
Caroline: I'll, uh, tell you where you are, if you tell me who you are.
The Geek: I'm Farmer Ted.
Caroline: You're in the parking lot across the street from my church.
The Geek: You own a church?
Caroline: [annoyed] Will you wake up?
The Geek: [opens eyes] Where the hell am I?
Caroline: I'll, uh, tell you where you are, if you tell me who you are.
The Geek: I'm Farmer Ted.
Caroline: You're in the parking lot across the street from my church.
The Geek: You own a church?
View Quote
The Geek: I know I came on kinda like a poser on the bus tonight and everything. But... that's just so my friends won't think, you know, I'm a jerk.
Samantha: But they're all pretty much jerks, though, aren't they?
The Geek: Yeah, but, the thing is, I'm kinda like the leader, you know? Kinda like the king of the dipwads.
Samantha: Well, that's pretty cool. Hey, but a lot can happen over a year. I mean, you could come back next Fall as a completely normal person.
Samantha: But they're all pretty much jerks, though, aren't they?
The Geek: Yeah, but, the thing is, I'm kinda like the leader, you know? Kinda like the king of the dipwads.
Samantha: Well, that's pretty cool. Hey, but a lot can happen over a year. I mean, you could come back next Fall as a completely normal person.
View Quote
The Geek: Just answer me one question.
Samantha: Yes, you're a total drag.
The Geek: Ha ha ha. That's not the question. [pauses] Am I turning you on?
Samantha: Yes, you're a total drag.
The Geek: Ha ha ha. That's not the question. [pauses] Am I turning you on?
View Quote
The Geek: So, I mean, what's your story? I mean, you got a guy, or...?
Samantha: Yes, three big ones, and they lust wimp blood, so quit bugging me or I'll sic them all over you.
The Geek: You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile. I mean, it's...
Samantha: Go to hell.
The Geek: VERY hostile!
Samantha: Yes, three big ones, and they lust wimp blood, so quit bugging me or I'll sic them all over you.
The Geek: You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile. I mean, it's...
Samantha: Go to hell.
The Geek: VERY hostile!
View Quote
The Geek: This is your car, Jake?
Jake: No, this is my dad's car. You said you can't drive a stick.
The Geek: This is a...! This is a Rolls Royce, Jake.
Jake: So?
The Geek: So? So? I heard the grill alone costs five grand on this. Five grand! Do you have five grand? I don't have five grand.
Jake: Then don't hit anything.
The Geek: [incredulous] Ha ha! Don't hit anything.
Jake: No, this is my dad's car. You said you can't drive a stick.
The Geek: This is a...! This is a Rolls Royce, Jake.
Jake: So?
The Geek: So? So? I heard the grill alone costs five grand on this. Five grand! Do you have five grand? I don't have five grand.
Jake: Then don't hit anything.
The Geek: [incredulous] Ha ha! Don't hit anything.