Up in Smoke quotes

View Quote Arnold Stoner: [to wife, off camera] Sweetheart, I'll talk to him. [to Anthony "Man", as he makes a fruit smoothie] Son, your mother and me would like for you to cozy up to the Finkelstein boy. He's a bright kid, and, uh... he's going to military school, and... remember, he was an Eagle Scout...
Mrs. Tempest Stoner: Arnold...
Arnold Stoner: [shouting as his wife continues] Will you shut up? We're going to have a family brawl!
Mrs. Tempest Stoner: ...and a ****!
Arnold Stoner: We've put up with a hell of a lot. [Anthony starts blender] Can this wait? Build your goddamn muscles, huh? You know, you could build your muscles picking strawberries. You know, bend and scoop... like the Mexicans. [Anthony turns off blender and pours contents into tall glass] Shit, maybe I could get you a job with United Fruit! I got a buddy with United Fruit. Get you started. Start with strawberries, you might work your way up to these goddamn bananas! [Anthony drinks from glass as his father shouts] When, boy? When... are you going to get your act together?
[Anthony turns to him and gives a loud belch]

View Quote Arnold Stoner: Dear God, almighty me... I think he's the Antichrist.

View Quote Arresting Officer: [to Man] And what is your name, sir?
Pedro: Whut? I told you my name, man!
Arresting Officer: [to Man] Sir... what's YOUR name?
Pedro: [to Man] Hey, man! The dude wants to know your name, man!
[Man vomits onto the floor of the car]

View Quote Arresting Officer: Sir, could I please see your license?
Pedro: Whuut?
Arresting Officer: Your license. Where's your license?
Pedro: My license? It's on the bumper, man, back there, man!
Arresting Officer: No, I mean your DRIVER'S license.
Pedro: Oh. Oh, yeah, I got my driver's license, man... [gets the license with great difficulty] Hey, I thought'a somethin' really funny, man... Your mother! [laughs]
Arresting Officer: [after dirty look, of course] Sir, what's your name?
Pedro: Uuhhh... Isn't it on the license, man? Yeah, that's it! Pedro De Pacas, man, that's my name...

View Quote Border Guard: So, how long you've been in Mexico?
Pedro: A week. I mean a day.
Border Guard: Well, which is it? A week or a day?
Pedro: A weekday.

View Quote Cop: What do you guys want?
Pedro: Nothing.
Cop: Hey, do you mind if I have a, bite of your hot dog?
Pedro: Huh? No, man, here, take the whole thing. [the cop takes a huge bite] Want some fritos?
Cop: [through a mouthful of hot dog] No, this is fine! Thank you! Hey, you fellas have a nice day, okay?
Man Stoner: Hey, man, what was that dude's trip? I mean, what was he on, man?
Pedro: Man, I don't know, but I wish we had some of it!

View Quote Curtis: This shit is so bad, it'll put a hump on a camel's back.

View Quote Man Stoner: [discovered, roach on an ashtray] El roacho.

View Quote Man Stoner: [on police radio] Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, can you hear me?
Clyde - Narc: Hello, headquarters? Hello, headquarters? Come in, headquarters. This is Officer Clive... we are...
Sgt. Stedenko: Use the codename! The codename!
Clyde - Narc: Headquarters, headquarters come in, please. This is Codename Hardhead.
Sgt. Stedenko: Hat! Hardhat! Give me that! Hello, radio dispatch? This is Codename Hardhat, Codename Hardhat, do you read me? Over.
Man Stoner: Was that Lardass?
Sgt. Stedenko: Hardhat! Codename Hardhat! Do you read, radio dispatch?
Man Stoner: Hey, I got somethin' for ya, Lardass!
Sgt. Stedenko: Hardhat! Hard... Hat! Do you understand?
Pedro: Lardass, Lardass!
Sgt. Stedenko: Hardhat! Radio dispatch, do you know who this is?
Pedro: Naw, who is this is?
Sgt. Stedenko: This is Sergeant Stedenko!
Pedro: Oh yeah, you know who this is?
Sgt. Stedenko: No!
Pedro: Bye-bye, Lardass!

View Quote Man Stoner: [Pedro starts toking on the giant joint] Toke, toke it up, man! [Pedro starts choking] Kinda grabs ya' by the boo-boo, don't it?

View Quote Man Stoner: [to Pedro, who is in the throes of panic] HEY! MELLOW OUT, MAN!

View Quote Man Stoner: Hey, hey, don't take those, man.
Pedro: Wha...?
Man Stoner: I almost gave you the wrong shit, man.
Pedro: Hey, man, I already took 'em, man.
Man Stoner: [laughing in astonishment] Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo...
Pedro: Hey, whaddaya mean "ho ho ho ho ho"?
Man Stoner: Oh... HU-WOW, MAN!
Pedro: Hey, what was that shit, man?
Man Stoner: You just take the most acid I've ever seen anybody eat in my life!
Pedro: Hey, man, I never had no acid before, man.
Man Stoner: Jeez, I hope you're not busy for about a month...
Pedro: Hey, I've seen those guys walking around my neighborhood that took too much acid, man. The one guy, his head's swelled up like a pumpkin...
Man Stoner: [referring to the acid Pedro took] No, that's good acid, man.
Pedro: Another time, there was this guy...

View Quote Man Stoner: I think it's even better than before, you know?
Pedro: Uhhh, I wonder what Great Dane tastes like, man.

View Quote Man Stoner: Man, my legs hurt.
Pedro: Yeah, I bet!

View Quote Man Stoner: No, hey, man, if we're gonna wear uniforms, man, you know let's have everybody wear something different.
Pedro: Yea, that's it. Yea, we want something where everybody wears something different, man, but the same, you know?