Van Wilder quotes

View Quote Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

View Quote Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.

View Quote Her name is Naomi. That's 'I MOAN' backwards.

View Quote Hey, look. That old bag is stronger than she looks.

View Quote I didn't realize that I was nothing more to you than some flacid story.

View Quote I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's.

View Quote If he's here, who's running Hell?

View Quote Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK! [under breath] Not that you had to.

View Quote Sharing a half-calf latte and a penalty box with Gwen Pearson who believes that censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.

View Quote This is the Great White Barry.

View Quote Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze!

View Quote Tit! Oh mummy. Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred, but, I hear milk and I think big giant jugs. I can not go back home a virgin. I came here to this country to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.

View Quote Well, it is the NAKED mile run; everyone else will be in their birthday suits. Except for that guy...

View Quote Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

View Quote Write that down.